so i haven't written much here lately because i've been on the move every day for the last few weeks. now that i've finally settled into my new place, i finally have some time to reflect a little on everything so far.
i've been writing in the other blog, kinda keeping it more as a bulletin board for my daily life here, but i want to keep the more random things here.
i just started my first day of school. i've kinda been waiting for this before really trying out my mandarin in the field i guess. a lot of places i can get by on english, but that's not really in the spirit of what i'm trying to do here. i know how to tell a cabdriver my address now and i know how to write down the name of the street in chinese. still can't order any food on a menu except to point at it or name it by the number if it's a set meal.
i've spent the whole year planning to arrive here and the hardest part seems to have been wrapping up all the loose ends back home before coming here. i'm sort of flying by the seat of my pants now. it hasn't really hit me that my home is on the other side of the world.
the thing that i am sort of concerned about at the moment is how long my funds will last. in just the last few weeks, i've spent half the money i came here with on tuition and on moving into my apartment. i knew i'd have to wire more money eventually and pick up a job, but it seems a little more urgent now than i was expecting. anyway, after seeing the expenses for the first month, not counting all the big stuff, i'll have a better idea of what my daily budget will be.
i think about my family and friends back home often. i hope they're all doing well. i'm keeping in contact with them, but it's just not the same as when you can see them face to face.
anyway, it's late and it's time for me to do my homework :)
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
change
before i begin...
blogging is such a strange thing. i try to write these things as though i were having a conversation with myself. i try not to think that anyone else is reading this for fear of getting the writing equivalent of stage fright while at the same time trying to write in a way that someone reading might derive some entertainment from all of this.
i was surprised to find out that a couple friends of mine have been reading this without me having to twist their arm. who knows how many others? in any case, this has been an interesting project for me that i hope will continue to grow and be as enjoyable for anyone passing by as it has been for me to do it.
...
it seems as though i've been meeting with all of my friends before i leave since the summer started. this last weekend though has started to feel more final. maybe the last time i had a feeling like this was at the end of high school and i suppose there are several parallels between now and then. there's the idea of a big move to a new place away from all of the friends you've been used to being around. there's the idea of having finished a phase in life and getting ready to start on a new one. there's the idea of everyone else you know seeming as though they are about to do the same thing and that when next you meet, everyone will have changed so much.
this weekend started with a going away lunch with my friend and old colleague. when i met him, i was 22 and he had hired me onto my first professional job out of college. i worked for him for the next four years. he was a great mentor and example to me in both my professional and personal life. one of the last topics we talked about at lunch was what he was planning for after retirement. he told me a piece of advice that his father-in-law had told him. his father-in-law said something like:
"plan for the next thirty years. i retired twenty years ago and i had no idea i would live this long. don't let the years pass by just because you've stopped working."
although we're at different stages in life, it seems we're both at a point where we're facing the next big unknown.
after lunch, i met up with my other friends and set out to beaumont for the weekend. i've been hanging out with this group of friends all summer and we all seem to be surprised at how close we've become to each other in a very short time. seeing as how we usually get together as a group, it's been a little difficult trying to talk to everyone one on one. it took all summer, but i've finally managed to talk to everyone in private at least once. i have a lot of good memories with them. i started the year thinking i would be unemployed and waiting to leave for taiwan. i had no idea that i would meet such good friends before i even left.
i find that each of them is also facing some sort of major change in the near future. one is planning on going overseas to study. one is planning on settling down. two of them are more than superficially unhappy with their work. i think we all feel pretty fortunate that in the midst of all of this, we were able to get together this year.
the thing i've learned about friends is that although you're not always around them, the good ones seem to keep reappearing. i have the feeling we'll all be seeing each other again.
blogging is such a strange thing. i try to write these things as though i were having a conversation with myself. i try not to think that anyone else is reading this for fear of getting the writing equivalent of stage fright while at the same time trying to write in a way that someone reading might derive some entertainment from all of this.
i was surprised to find out that a couple friends of mine have been reading this without me having to twist their arm. who knows how many others? in any case, this has been an interesting project for me that i hope will continue to grow and be as enjoyable for anyone passing by as it has been for me to do it.
...
it seems as though i've been meeting with all of my friends before i leave since the summer started. this last weekend though has started to feel more final. maybe the last time i had a feeling like this was at the end of high school and i suppose there are several parallels between now and then. there's the idea of a big move to a new place away from all of the friends you've been used to being around. there's the idea of having finished a phase in life and getting ready to start on a new one. there's the idea of everyone else you know seeming as though they are about to do the same thing and that when next you meet, everyone will have changed so much.
this weekend started with a going away lunch with my friend and old colleague. when i met him, i was 22 and he had hired me onto my first professional job out of college. i worked for him for the next four years. he was a great mentor and example to me in both my professional and personal life. one of the last topics we talked about at lunch was what he was planning for after retirement. he told me a piece of advice that his father-in-law had told him. his father-in-law said something like:
"plan for the next thirty years. i retired twenty years ago and i had no idea i would live this long. don't let the years pass by just because you've stopped working."
although we're at different stages in life, it seems we're both at a point where we're facing the next big unknown.
after lunch, i met up with my other friends and set out to beaumont for the weekend. i've been hanging out with this group of friends all summer and we all seem to be surprised at how close we've become to each other in a very short time. seeing as how we usually get together as a group, it's been a little difficult trying to talk to everyone one on one. it took all summer, but i've finally managed to talk to everyone in private at least once. i have a lot of good memories with them. i started the year thinking i would be unemployed and waiting to leave for taiwan. i had no idea that i would meet such good friends before i even left.
i find that each of them is also facing some sort of major change in the near future. one is planning on going overseas to study. one is planning on settling down. two of them are more than superficially unhappy with their work. i think we all feel pretty fortunate that in the midst of all of this, we were able to get together this year.
the thing i've learned about friends is that although you're not always around them, the good ones seem to keep reappearing. i have the feeling we'll all be seeing each other again.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
water
to combat the heat these days, i'm drinking beer and eating ice cream. my room is emptied to the point where one last trip to the storage place should be it. i'm pretty bored at the moment, just waiting for the day to come when i leave.
on a note related to the last post, i had a dream the other day where i was walking down a major street in ankle deep water. i walked this way for a block or so and turned the corner to find myself looking at giant hole in the road. immediately i was in water up to my waist and was being swept along by the current of water rushing into this giant hole. panicked, i struggled against the water and made it to an elevated spot beside the road where others were watching as pedestrians and traffic with worse luck than me were swept toward oblivion.
looking beyond this abyss, i saw a bayou filled to the top also emptying into this hole. i was set on getting to the other side of this bayou and was about to cross on top of a broken pipe when tejano music started playing on a loudspeaker i hadn't noticed and all these valves on the pipe i was going to walk on opened up. the valves were sending compressed air out which somehow pushed the water back so that it was trickling into the abyss instead of raging towards it. everyone who was caught in the current was able to easily escape and nobody actually fell into the hole. and then i woke up.
if the internet is any kind of reliable source, muddy water and an abyss suggest some danger. in the i-ching, the chapter "the abyss" talks about water in a dangerous ravine and how water escapes danger by moving quickly and finding the easiest exit. what i like best though is that it says water is unafraid to fall a thousand feet because nothing can make it lose its essential nature.
on a note related to the last post, i had a dream the other day where i was walking down a major street in ankle deep water. i walked this way for a block or so and turned the corner to find myself looking at giant hole in the road. immediately i was in water up to my waist and was being swept along by the current of water rushing into this giant hole. panicked, i struggled against the water and made it to an elevated spot beside the road where others were watching as pedestrians and traffic with worse luck than me were swept toward oblivion.
looking beyond this abyss, i saw a bayou filled to the top also emptying into this hole. i was set on getting to the other side of this bayou and was about to cross on top of a broken pipe when tejano music started playing on a loudspeaker i hadn't noticed and all these valves on the pipe i was going to walk on opened up. the valves were sending compressed air out which somehow pushed the water back so that it was trickling into the abyss instead of raging towards it. everyone who was caught in the current was able to easily escape and nobody actually fell into the hole. and then i woke up.
if the internet is any kind of reliable source, muddy water and an abyss suggest some danger. in the i-ching, the chapter "the abyss" talks about water in a dangerous ravine and how water escapes danger by moving quickly and finding the easiest exit. what i like best though is that it says water is unafraid to fall a thousand feet because nothing can make it lose its essential nature.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
packing tips
not only am i preparing for my trip, i am also moving out of my house. in order to figure out what i need to put into storage, i started packing my suitcase yesterday. whatever doesn't fit into it will go into storage over the next couple of weeks.
i decided to check out some tips online for how best to pack a suitcase. i found an interesting video on youtube on how to pack a suitcase "butler style". one great tip i learned was to stuff your socks into your shoes. all this time, i had been using tissue paper to keep my shoes' shape. what a waste! i also learned an interesting tip on how to minimize wrinkles. pack pants and shirts at the bottom with the legs and sleeves sticking out. pack smaller things on top and then alternate folding the sleeves and legs in. this keeps the clothes from being creased onto themselves and seems to take less room.
i'm going to live out of my suitcase until i leave and this will give me an idea if i've left out anything important. my room is going to start looking pretty empty next week.
i decided to check out some tips online for how best to pack a suitcase. i found an interesting video on youtube on how to pack a suitcase "butler style". one great tip i learned was to stuff your socks into your shoes. all this time, i had been using tissue paper to keep my shoes' shape. what a waste! i also learned an interesting tip on how to minimize wrinkles. pack pants and shirts at the bottom with the legs and sleeves sticking out. pack smaller things on top and then alternate folding the sleeves and legs in. this keeps the clothes from being creased onto themselves and seems to take less room.
i'm going to live out of my suitcase until i leave and this will give me an idea if i've left out anything important. my room is going to start looking pretty empty next week.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
first signs of anxiety
so after having committed to this big adventure back in march, i've been relatively at ease about the whole thing with most of my worries being focused on managing to survive until august without a job and having enough money to finance my studies. here i am in pretty good shape but it seems some little bit of anxiety is setting in.
i had a dream this morning where i was at a post office trying to collect my mail. the clerk was speaking to me in chinese asking me to pay some money to get my mail. i didn't understand the amount so i pulled out bills at random, looking at the clerk's reaction to figure out if i had given enough. i was trying to understand this foreign language, trying to figure out how to ask "how much does it cost?" on the spot, trying to figure out what each bill was worth (i don't remember what the currency looks like), and then trying to convert the amount in my head to usd to see if i was getting ripped off, all while feeling the eyes of the impatient people in line boring into the back of my head.
of course, there are several problems with this dream. it probably doesn't cost any money to collect mail. the clerks probably speak a little english. people waiting in line are probably very patient. i never had any trouble when handling business while i was in china and at that time i didn't understand a single word in chinese. still, i was sort of unsettled when i woke up this morning.
i spent the morning plotting out my calendar for the next half year. it turns out my visitor visa will expire midway through my first quarter at school. i've marked out visa extension deadlines, registration dates, scholarship application deadlines, health insurance deadlines.... lots of deadlines on into march of next year.
and then there's the matter of handling all my business at home before i leave. well, i'll save that topic for another day. in any case, i'll try to keep reminding myself that this is supposed to be fun.
i had a dream this morning where i was at a post office trying to collect my mail. the clerk was speaking to me in chinese asking me to pay some money to get my mail. i didn't understand the amount so i pulled out bills at random, looking at the clerk's reaction to figure out if i had given enough. i was trying to understand this foreign language, trying to figure out how to ask "how much does it cost?" on the spot, trying to figure out what each bill was worth (i don't remember what the currency looks like), and then trying to convert the amount in my head to usd to see if i was getting ripped off, all while feeling the eyes of the impatient people in line boring into the back of my head.
of course, there are several problems with this dream. it probably doesn't cost any money to collect mail. the clerks probably speak a little english. people waiting in line are probably very patient. i never had any trouble when handling business while i was in china and at that time i didn't understand a single word in chinese. still, i was sort of unsettled when i woke up this morning.
i spent the morning plotting out my calendar for the next half year. it turns out my visitor visa will expire midway through my first quarter at school. i've marked out visa extension deadlines, registration dates, scholarship application deadlines, health insurance deadlines.... lots of deadlines on into march of next year.
and then there's the matter of handling all my business at home before i leave. well, i'll save that topic for another day. in any case, i'll try to keep reminding myself that this is supposed to be fun.
Monday, July 13, 2009
checkup
i've spent most of the last week watching tv shows. not on tv, which spared me the mind numbing commercial breaks, but on hulu and on dvd. this is pretty much what i was doing in colorado while waiting to move out. at this moment, i'm having the same sort of questions i was having then:
am i getting stupid and numb or am i just relaxing a bit in preparation for something else?
am i forgetting something important?
it's not my usual habit to be so passively entertained so i suppose to make up for it, i'm diverting my active energy to self inspection. what have i accomplished since january? what do i want to do in taiwan? what do i want to do after taiwan? in the process of self inspection, i second guess myself from time to time, but not nearly as often as i might have done in the past. in a sense, that's some kind of accomplishment.
one thing i've accomplished during my time off from work has been becoming a decent swimmer. when i first started my regular workout, i could barely make it from one end of a pool to the other. this week i intend to swim a straight mile. that will be a pretty good milestone for me.
my main goal in taiwan is to learn how to speak and read mandarin. i'd like to be proficient to the point where i can live my daily life without having to speak or read a word of english. i would also like to learn how to write. being able to creatively and concisely express yourself in writing is the highest art of language. this one is a long-term goal. i'm not even sure what i will do with such a skill. it's just something i want to do.
and after taiwan? this one i have no clue about. i'm still reassessing my ideas about family and career and whatever is supposed to be a socially acceptable milestone along the path into middle age. i'm not convinced that anybody really figures this out, but i don't want to arrive in middle age without having tried to chart a course there. i'm out of books. i'm out of tv shows. i guess i can entertain myself with this problem for a while.
am i getting stupid and numb or am i just relaxing a bit in preparation for something else?
am i forgetting something important?
it's not my usual habit to be so passively entertained so i suppose to make up for it, i'm diverting my active energy to self inspection. what have i accomplished since january? what do i want to do in taiwan? what do i want to do after taiwan? in the process of self inspection, i second guess myself from time to time, but not nearly as often as i might have done in the past. in a sense, that's some kind of accomplishment.
one thing i've accomplished during my time off from work has been becoming a decent swimmer. when i first started my regular workout, i could barely make it from one end of a pool to the other. this week i intend to swim a straight mile. that will be a pretty good milestone for me.
my main goal in taiwan is to learn how to speak and read mandarin. i'd like to be proficient to the point where i can live my daily life without having to speak or read a word of english. i would also like to learn how to write. being able to creatively and concisely express yourself in writing is the highest art of language. this one is a long-term goal. i'm not even sure what i will do with such a skill. it's just something i want to do.
and after taiwan? this one i have no clue about. i'm still reassessing my ideas about family and career and whatever is supposed to be a socially acceptable milestone along the path into middle age. i'm not convinced that anybody really figures this out, but i don't want to arrive in middle age without having tried to chart a course there. i'm out of books. i'm out of tv shows. i guess i can entertain myself with this problem for a while.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
pizza and ice cream
i woke up this morning and watched the first rain we've had in a very long time. it was really a nice and soothing way to start the day. the whole day has been pretty peaceful overall. the beer at lunch was a nice addition too.
this evening i had dinner with some friends from high school that i haven't seen in years. we all talked for a long time, catching up and telling a few stories about what we've been up to. actually, tonight i did more listening than story telling which was just fine because there was no shortage of stories from everyone else. what was interesting to me was how we all had sort of the same stories. not the same outcomes, not the same characters, but basically the same root struggles. the same quest for self discovery. the same conflicts with parents. the same realization of our own limitations. it's not that i never share these sort of stories with the friends i see often these days, but somehow catching up with friends i haven't seen for a while and finding out how similar our experiences have been has been really liberating.
i feel incredibly human today.
this evening i had dinner with some friends from high school that i haven't seen in years. we all talked for a long time, catching up and telling a few stories about what we've been up to. actually, tonight i did more listening than story telling which was just fine because there was no shortage of stories from everyone else. what was interesting to me was how we all had sort of the same stories. not the same outcomes, not the same characters, but basically the same root struggles. the same quest for self discovery. the same conflicts with parents. the same realization of our own limitations. it's not that i never share these sort of stories with the friends i see often these days, but somehow catching up with friends i haven't seen for a while and finding out how similar our experiences have been has been really liberating.
i feel incredibly human today.
Friday, July 3, 2009
almost there
july is finally here. this is sort of the home stretch of my adventure in being unemployed, but the prelude to my adventure overseas. honestly, i've been more concerned about being able to survive here without income than i have been about starting in taiwan. it seems every month there's a new tax i have to contend with, but that's a different matter. i'm pretty well packed up. what i have left in my room is just the essentials. it can be packed up in a day or two.
i have a vague idea of what i have to do when i get to taiwan. fortunately i have some friends who have generously offered to help me out when i arrive. i'm looking at taiwan as a new start. i was reading the other day and i found this great quote from bertrand russell: "in all affairs, it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."
since i've been out of work, i've really had to rethink the way i spend. i've been trying, although not usually successfully, to stick to a budget and it's finally hit home that little extras here and there every month really add up. since i've been out of work, my monthly spending has dropped significantly, but honestly my standard of living hasn't gone down much. i found out i was torturing my wallet with the death of a thousand cuts. it's a lesson i won't forget.
i'm also looking forward to going back to school. i never thought i would say that, having had six years of engineering, but i'm pretty excited about the chinese program. it looks challenging and intense. it turns out that when i do want to do something, that's kind of the way i like it. i guess the thing to keep in mind is not to burn myself out. self-restraint has always been something i've had to work on.
i have a vague idea of what i have to do when i get to taiwan. fortunately i have some friends who have generously offered to help me out when i arrive. i'm looking at taiwan as a new start. i was reading the other day and i found this great quote from bertrand russell: "in all affairs, it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."
since i've been out of work, i've really had to rethink the way i spend. i've been trying, although not usually successfully, to stick to a budget and it's finally hit home that little extras here and there every month really add up. since i've been out of work, my monthly spending has dropped significantly, but honestly my standard of living hasn't gone down much. i found out i was torturing my wallet with the death of a thousand cuts. it's a lesson i won't forget.
i'm also looking forward to going back to school. i never thought i would say that, having had six years of engineering, but i'm pretty excited about the chinese program. it looks challenging and intense. it turns out that when i do want to do something, that's kind of the way i like it. i guess the thing to keep in mind is not to burn myself out. self-restraint has always been something i've had to work on.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
how to waste your time and effort
i played my first mmorpg last friday and i have to admit i was hooked. i've been playing every day, wasting an embarrassing number of hours, until this morning when i found that i couldn't log into the server. since i couldn't play, i took some time to browse through the player forums. after half an hour of reading, it's very easy for me to say that i will never waste time on another game like this again.
i had avoided games like world of warcraft precisely because they're an incredible waste of time. i tried this one just because it was advertised as free. i found out it's free to start, but if you want to get anywhere, you have to shell out some real money. after reading through the forums, i also found out that the game has no point. it never ends. you never achieve anything. it ends when you are fed up with wasting your life on it.
i also found out that there are people in the world who have more passion for game play experience than i have passion for just about anything. not to say that i'm not a passionate person, but i was amazed at how serious people were taking this game. anyway, i can safely say that i've tried it and although it was fun at the start, it's probably better that i didn't waste any more time on it.
now let's see if i can start sleeping like a normal human being again.
i had avoided games like world of warcraft precisely because they're an incredible waste of time. i tried this one just because it was advertised as free. i found out it's free to start, but if you want to get anywhere, you have to shell out some real money. after reading through the forums, i also found out that the game has no point. it never ends. you never achieve anything. it ends when you are fed up with wasting your life on it.
i also found out that there are people in the world who have more passion for game play experience than i have passion for just about anything. not to say that i'm not a passionate person, but i was amazed at how serious people were taking this game. anyway, i can safely say that i've tried it and although it was fun at the start, it's probably better that i didn't waste any more time on it.
now let's see if i can start sleeping like a normal human being again.
Friday, June 12, 2009
strange dreams
i've been having a lot of strange dreams lately with the common theme being running away or escaping.
in one i was in some futuristic outlaw motorcycle gang where i needed to escape both the police and the gang i double crossed by getting off an island. i woke up as i was approaching a rising drawbridge at full speed in an attempt to jump over it.
in another, i was again in a futuristic outlaw motorcycle gang where i needed to escape some island, but this time by jumping off the end of a pier onto the departing ferry. i seem to remember that all the passengers on this ferry were women standing outside on the deck waiting to see if i made it or drowned.
in the most recent one, i was out on an errand to a grocery store on halloween night. i had forgotten what day it was and was wondering why the grocery store was so empty and dark. it just so happened that the store was turned into a haunted house for the night with all kinds of scary surprises. i woke up just as i was running away from two people with scary masks on.
too many sunday afternoon b-movies you say? maybe, although i'm not in the habit of watching much tv these days. i have had one or two mixed in that have had nothing to do with running away or escaping. i had one this morning where i was eating dinner and all of a sudden the setting i was in turned either into a karaoke bar or a musical. well, i did happen to catch a few minutes of moulin rouge the other day...
in one i was in some futuristic outlaw motorcycle gang where i needed to escape both the police and the gang i double crossed by getting off an island. i woke up as i was approaching a rising drawbridge at full speed in an attempt to jump over it.
in another, i was again in a futuristic outlaw motorcycle gang where i needed to escape some island, but this time by jumping off the end of a pier onto the departing ferry. i seem to remember that all the passengers on this ferry were women standing outside on the deck waiting to see if i made it or drowned.
in the most recent one, i was out on an errand to a grocery store on halloween night. i had forgotten what day it was and was wondering why the grocery store was so empty and dark. it just so happened that the store was turned into a haunted house for the night with all kinds of scary surprises. i woke up just as i was running away from two people with scary masks on.
too many sunday afternoon b-movies you say? maybe, although i'm not in the habit of watching much tv these days. i have had one or two mixed in that have had nothing to do with running away or escaping. i had one this morning where i was eating dinner and all of a sudden the setting i was in turned either into a karaoke bar or a musical. well, i did happen to catch a few minutes of moulin rouge the other day...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
will power
at this very moment, i'm having a contest of will power with my brother. i hear the doorbell ringing rapidly. it must be my mom out front. it must be that my brother locked the front door on the way in. i hear him in his room playing guitar and i know he can hear the doorbell too. if i stay quiet, i can pretend i'm asleep and he'll naturally have to stop what he's doing and open the door.
...
score one point for me.
---
it is crazy hot outside which means there's no point in going out unless i intend to drive my car somewhere. if you wait until the evening to go out walking, you get mauled by mosquitoes. i've spent the last few days hiding from all of this in my room and when i haven't been napping or reading or otherwise neglecting some matter of importance, i've been digging up my old pictures and making digital copies of them so that i'll be able to see them when i'm in taiwan. i don't have a scanner so i've resorted to using my digital camera to take pictures of the prints with some interesting results.
the original pictures were taken with a cheap disposable film camera and printed on the cheapest photo paper. there are few pictures where anything is in focus and where any colors look remotely natural. taking a picture of the prints didn't do much to help the focus or tint, but the pictures came out with a nice flat quality reminding me of old posters or 1950s ads. it was a tedious process, but at least i have some copies of my old photos.
i got a call from one of my recruiters this week about a job in the bay area for which i'm not even remotely qualified for. i gave it a try though just to so i could say with a clear conscience that i haven't been dodging responsible work on purpose and got a rejection letter within two days. all in all, i've been contacted for three jobs in 2009 which have come to naught. i haven't been looking myself, but i figure if the professional job hunters can't find any job leads for me, then it's a safe conclusion that jobs are just hard to come by this year.
while packing, i've also dug out a bunch of textbooks that have been sitting in boxes since i've been moving so much this year. i was even able to sell one within a week on amazon. my first income since february! hopefully i can sell a few more before i leave.
...
score one point for me.
---
it is crazy hot outside which means there's no point in going out unless i intend to drive my car somewhere. if you wait until the evening to go out walking, you get mauled by mosquitoes. i've spent the last few days hiding from all of this in my room and when i haven't been napping or reading or otherwise neglecting some matter of importance, i've been digging up my old pictures and making digital copies of them so that i'll be able to see them when i'm in taiwan. i don't have a scanner so i've resorted to using my digital camera to take pictures of the prints with some interesting results.
the original pictures were taken with a cheap disposable film camera and printed on the cheapest photo paper. there are few pictures where anything is in focus and where any colors look remotely natural. taking a picture of the prints didn't do much to help the focus or tint, but the pictures came out with a nice flat quality reminding me of old posters or 1950s ads. it was a tedious process, but at least i have some copies of my old photos.i got a call from one of my recruiters this week about a job in the bay area for which i'm not even remotely qualified for. i gave it a try though just to so i could say with a clear conscience that i haven't been dodging responsible work on purpose and got a rejection letter within two days. all in all, i've been contacted for three jobs in 2009 which have come to naught. i haven't been looking myself, but i figure if the professional job hunters can't find any job leads for me, then it's a safe conclusion that jobs are just hard to come by this year.
while packing, i've also dug out a bunch of textbooks that have been sitting in boxes since i've been moving so much this year. i was even able to sell one within a week on amazon. my first income since february! hopefully i can sell a few more before i leave.
Monday, June 1, 2009
can't sleep
i'm having some trouble sleeping these days. at first i thought it was because the heat these days makes me feel like staying home and napping all day, but today i had a very nice swim and still i'm having a hard time sleeping. the remaining explanation is that i have a lot of new things on my mind.
having finally told everyone about my plan to leave has set in motion a whole bunch of other activity that i was hoping against all reasonable hope that i wouldn't have to handle as well, but there it is. so in the next few months, not only am i preparing to leave the country, but i'm also helping my family to sell our house. fortunately i don't have to handle this all by myself, but for the time being it still weighs on me.
the decision to sell the house has been a poignant reminder of how fleeting everything is. given that, it's also been a reminder of how important it is to be self sufficient. in all my life, i'm the only one who'll be there from start to finish. everyone and everything else comes and goes and there's nothing else but to accept that.
all that aside, last week seems to have been a pretty productive week at handling these things. this week is a little less urgent and with more momentum. hopefully i can put my mind at ease and start to sleep well again.
having finally told everyone about my plan to leave has set in motion a whole bunch of other activity that i was hoping against all reasonable hope that i wouldn't have to handle as well, but there it is. so in the next few months, not only am i preparing to leave the country, but i'm also helping my family to sell our house. fortunately i don't have to handle this all by myself, but for the time being it still weighs on me.
the decision to sell the house has been a poignant reminder of how fleeting everything is. given that, it's also been a reminder of how important it is to be self sufficient. in all my life, i'm the only one who'll be there from start to finish. everyone and everything else comes and goes and there's nothing else but to accept that.
all that aside, last week seems to have been a pretty productive week at handling these things. this week is a little less urgent and with more momentum. hopefully i can put my mind at ease and start to sleep well again.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
gecko
wow, is may really almost over? i'm not quite sure where it all went but i know i spent a whole bunch of money, with a substantial amount of it going towards boring semi-practical things like insurance. insurance companies must spend a good deal of money to hire a marketing team that makes you feel happy and responsible for buying insurance against all manner of calamities because i have to admit that at the moment of purchase, i did feel responsible, if not happy. at this moment though, i begrudge living in a country where a trip to the hospital can bankrupt you.
i've begun to pack in earnest and to consider how i'm going to store my things until i come back. it looks like i'll be giving what little furniture i have away again, keeping only my books and music. i'm also parting with my old drumset. i haven't played it in some time but i have such good memories of dragging it around to shows and practices that i can't help but wonder how i ever found myself in a position to have to sell them and buy things like insurance instead.
on a happier note, i've already begun making some plans to see some sites in taiwan while i'm there. high up on the list is to check out the east coast and learn to surf. i've also learned that taiwan has some excellent places to go paragliding. i have no clue how much that hobby will cost but it'd be something i'd love to try.
i've begun to pack in earnest and to consider how i'm going to store my things until i come back. it looks like i'll be giving what little furniture i have away again, keeping only my books and music. i'm also parting with my old drumset. i haven't played it in some time but i have such good memories of dragging it around to shows and practices that i can't help but wonder how i ever found myself in a position to have to sell them and buy things like insurance instead.
on a happier note, i've already begun making some plans to see some sites in taiwan while i'm there. high up on the list is to check out the east coast and learn to surf. i've also learned that taiwan has some excellent places to go paragliding. i have no clue how much that hobby will cost but it'd be something i'd love to try.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
round round get around
yesterday was an awesome day. i got a call around 10am to meet a bunch of friends by 11am to head to the beach. i'm always late, so i said i couldn't make 11 but i could make 11:30 which of course turned into 11:50. no problem because this set of friends is always late too. i packed up some clothes, my camera, and my beloved kite and frisbee and headed out the door.
apparently everyone else in houston was invited to the beach too because there was a lot of traffic headed to galveston. finally we made it and went to east beach. i had never been to east beach before because as it turns out you have to pay $8 to park there, which is something my parents would never have done if there was a free beach nearby. however, the two main reasons you pay $8 are:
1. so you can bring alcohol to the beach.
2. so you can go to a less crowded beach.
so i got to see east beach for the first time yesterday, and it was pretty nice as far as galveston beaches go. nice sand, not too many rocks or shells, decent looking water. we swam a ridiculous way out into the surf. the only people farther out than us were two guys on inflatable boats with fishing rods.
besides swimming, we had a lot of fun on the beach. bobby flew the kite out to the end of the string after i had told him i had done it before. we played frisbee with kyle's dog elsie who would run down any throws we didn't manage to catch. i ate a lot of junk food snacks and enjoyed a mixed drink of sailor jerry rum with sierra mist which tasted like cream soda.
afterwards, we had dinner on the seawall with a great view of the sun setting on the gulf. but, everything has it's price. i was the only one who escaped without sunburn, but i am kinda limping around on a bruised knee after being dominated in a chicken fight with nancy. to my credit, kyle cheated because he grabbed my arm and yanked me into the water while luis did his best to support me by holding on to my legs as i fell in, which is no doubt how i sustained my injury.
a little alcohol, a good beach, great friends, and battle scars. you get what you pay for.
apparently everyone else in houston was invited to the beach too because there was a lot of traffic headed to galveston. finally we made it and went to east beach. i had never been to east beach before because as it turns out you have to pay $8 to park there, which is something my parents would never have done if there was a free beach nearby. however, the two main reasons you pay $8 are:
1. so you can bring alcohol to the beach.
2. so you can go to a less crowded beach.
so i got to see east beach for the first time yesterday, and it was pretty nice as far as galveston beaches go. nice sand, not too many rocks or shells, decent looking water. we swam a ridiculous way out into the surf. the only people farther out than us were two guys on inflatable boats with fishing rods.
besides swimming, we had a lot of fun on the beach. bobby flew the kite out to the end of the string after i had told him i had done it before. we played frisbee with kyle's dog elsie who would run down any throws we didn't manage to catch. i ate a lot of junk food snacks and enjoyed a mixed drink of sailor jerry rum with sierra mist which tasted like cream soda.
afterwards, we had dinner on the seawall with a great view of the sun setting on the gulf. but, everything has it's price. i was the only one who escaped without sunburn, but i am kinda limping around on a bruised knee after being dominated in a chicken fight with nancy. to my credit, kyle cheated because he grabbed my arm and yanked me into the water while luis did his best to support me by holding on to my legs as i fell in, which is no doubt how i sustained my injury.
a little alcohol, a good beach, great friends, and battle scars. you get what you pay for.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
scratch city
summer in the swampy bayou city is beginning to show its ugly face again. earlier last week two days of good rain rendered many parts of the city impassable with some roads under water for two or three days. i went out to my backyard this afternoon and was immediately set upon by an army of mosquitoes, each one leaving a bump the size of my thumbnail. it's really starting to warm up outside to the point that i wake up, have a little lunch, and siesta all afternoon until the sun goes down which leaves me wide awake at 4am. heat, humidity, and mosquitoes. i wish i was in san francisco right now.
i'm wavering between putting most or all of my things in storage, or selling everything to raise some extra cash for my trip. on one hand, it seems too hard to part with all the little things i've accumulated through the years, most especially my music and book collection. on the other hand, do i really need to keep all this stuff? am i going to carry it around for the rest of my life?
i sold a whole bunch of cd's once before and even though what i sold i wouldn't listen to that often now, i still regret it. the cash i made selling them has long since been spent but from time to time, i'll hear a song and say to myself, "i wish i still had that cd somewhere." so...crap. it seems i'm going to put my things in storage after all.
i'm wavering between putting most or all of my things in storage, or selling everything to raise some extra cash for my trip. on one hand, it seems too hard to part with all the little things i've accumulated through the years, most especially my music and book collection. on the other hand, do i really need to keep all this stuff? am i going to carry it around for the rest of my life?
i sold a whole bunch of cd's once before and even though what i sold i wouldn't listen to that often now, i still regret it. the cash i made selling them has long since been spent but from time to time, i'll hear a song and say to myself, "i wish i still had that cd somewhere." so...crap. it seems i'm going to put my things in storage after all.
Monday, April 27, 2009
can you hear me now?
it has been a good long while since i wrote something here. if march was a month for lazily swimming, reading in starbucks, and hiding out from people in general, then april has been a month of reconnecting with the outside world.
today is a momentous day because i received my acceptance letter to study mandarin in taipei this fall. this year being what it's been so far, and with the new news of swine flu just across the border in mexico, i can't think of a better set of circumstances to just try my fortune elsewhere.
in the last few weeks, i've made some new friends, i've started playing music again, and i've done a little volunteering work at the museum. also, i've learned how to turn off the gas to the appliances so that i could fog my house without blowing it up. the fact that i applied a poisonous highly flammable product to my house and left it unattended for several hours speaks to the serious nature of the flea problem i've been having at home. fortunately, the problem seems to be subsiding.
i'm continuing to read a lot of chinese philosophy and now i'm slowly approaching kant's critique of pure reason. i'm being a little frugal and downloaded a free digital copy of it from project gutenberg. my immedate complaint is that there's no table of contents. yes, the book has had all formatting removed, so there are no page numbers to jump to, but a table of contents just listing the chapter names woud be nice. also, as soon as i looked at it, i spent about half an hour thinking of ways to text process the thing into a more readable format. in the end, i'll probably purchase a paper copy.
where has the month gone? i'm not quite sure. it's been fun but i hope may will be a better balance for me.
today is a momentous day because i received my acceptance letter to study mandarin in taipei this fall. this year being what it's been so far, and with the new news of swine flu just across the border in mexico, i can't think of a better set of circumstances to just try my fortune elsewhere.
in the last few weeks, i've made some new friends, i've started playing music again, and i've done a little volunteering work at the museum. also, i've learned how to turn off the gas to the appliances so that i could fog my house without blowing it up. the fact that i applied a poisonous highly flammable product to my house and left it unattended for several hours speaks to the serious nature of the flea problem i've been having at home. fortunately, the problem seems to be subsiding.
i'm continuing to read a lot of chinese philosophy and now i'm slowly approaching kant's critique of pure reason. i'm being a little frugal and downloaded a free digital copy of it from project gutenberg. my immedate complaint is that there's no table of contents. yes, the book has had all formatting removed, so there are no page numbers to jump to, but a table of contents just listing the chapter names woud be nice. also, as soon as i looked at it, i spent about half an hour thinking of ways to text process the thing into a more readable format. in the end, i'll probably purchase a paper copy.
where has the month gone? i'm not quite sure. it's been fun but i hope may will be a better balance for me.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
shaunosaurus rex
i am excited today. i just became a volunteer at the museum of natural science. what does this mean? this means i get to visit the museum for free, learn about whatever exhibits i want, and eventually be a tour guide. tomorrow is my first day to volunteer and i'll be tagging along with a group going through the genghis khan exhibition.
coming up next week i'll be following a group of hisd students and learning about the permanent exhibits. i've never been much of a public speaker and i'm hit or miss with kids. i think doing this will be a great way to learn some new skills and to give me a change of pace from working with technical people in front of a computer all day.
speaking of technical work, i had a call from my recruiter this morning and it seems the job market is starting to pick up again. i'm not really inclined to go back to work and he said he hasn't seen any jobs in my field yet, but it's always a good idea to keep your options open so i told him i'm still interested.
i spent the rest of the afternoon reading a little bit and then going out to a field to practice casting my new fishing rod. after about an hour of practice, i started to get the hang of the whole thing. can't wait to go to galveston.
coming up next week i'll be following a group of hisd students and learning about the permanent exhibits. i've never been much of a public speaker and i'm hit or miss with kids. i think doing this will be a great way to learn some new skills and to give me a change of pace from working with technical people in front of a computer all day.
speaking of technical work, i had a call from my recruiter this morning and it seems the job market is starting to pick up again. i'm not really inclined to go back to work and he said he hasn't seen any jobs in my field yet, but it's always a good idea to keep your options open so i told him i'm still interested.
i spent the rest of the afternoon reading a little bit and then going out to a field to practice casting my new fishing rod. after about an hour of practice, i started to get the hang of the whole thing. can't wait to go to galveston.
Monday, April 6, 2009
monday
okay, so it's late and i've had several margaritas and several beers. i hope this doesn't do anything to reduce the sincerity of anything i write hereafter. i've had a wonderful day. today i went swimming and i have to concede that at the moment i'm an not a very good swimmer. afterwards, i was invited to dinner by my good friend luis. we met up at a mediterranean restaurant, but as nobody else had shown up, we took a nice little walk down westheimer to wings n' more to have some drinks and watch the astros play on opening day. within three innings they were down 3-0. way to go astros. it's nice to know some things never change. at least the happy hour beers were only $1.25. after we got a hold of everybody, we went back to the mediterranean restaurant only to find that it wasn't that good. instead, we had dinner at a pretty good mexican restaurant. more margaritas came and our conversation got out of hand as might be expected when margaritas are involved. our friend scott had to go home because he had work early in the morning, but luis, kyle, nancy, and i set out to shakespeare's pub, which is some hole in the wall on memorial drive. nobody knew what time it was and we arrived there at 8:30. the place was empty and we were the only excited ones there. after some darts, some pool, some drinks, some live music, everyone was in a pretty good mood but nevertheless it was time to call it a night. i wished kyle and nancy a good night, took luis back to his car, took some leftovers back home to my mom, and here i am. all in all, a pretty good day. i'm pretty fortunate to have such good friends and to have met such nice new friends so far. i've been invited to yoga, to a birthday party, and to a weekend floating down the frio river in july. wonderful. i don't know what i've done to be so fortunate. and it's still monday... who knows how tomorrow or the rest of the week will work out.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
beautiful days
this past weekend i've had some of the nicest days in houston that i can remember. starting on friday, i treated myself to a delicious sushi lunch and an afternoon in the park. this time, the piece of grass i drove a long way for was the park next door to the menil collection. it was mid afternoon when i arrived ther
e so that the western edge of the park was shaded by trees while the open center was still brightly lit. i set myself down on the cool grass near the shade. there were plenty of other people in the park sitting on blankets having picnics, reading books, or playing with their dogs. i made a mental note that i should start carrying a big blanket in my car for occasions like this. i sat in the warm sun reading chuang tzu for a long time. after that, i stretched out on the grass and stared up at the sky and let my mind wander.
i had stayed out late with some friends friday night, so saturday i stayed in bed for a long while. i didn't really sleep but was somewhere between dozing and fully awake. again i let my mind wander and thoroughly enjoyed it. after i finally got out of bed, i made my way down to starbucks where, despite my best efforts, i'm now recognized as the guy who buys the smallest coffee, leaves the smallest tip, and wastes the most afternoons. well, i'm not sure about all those titles, but i've certainly been recognized as someone who comes in often enough to warrant recognizing. after some time there, i had a craving for some greasy chinese buffet food so i called my friend pablo and we met up for an early dinner. we had a pretty good conversation about how to approach life. our outlooks are vastly opposed. he likes to have a long term plan while i like to drift about. after this, we met up some more friends and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon and evening out on a patio sipping margaritas telling old stories.
finally, today i enjoyed the afternoon by taking a nice long walk around my neighborhood. i used to do this back in high school and would hardly see anyone else walking. today i'm happy to see that there are some trails put in and more people out enjoying the afternoon this way. it might sound like a small thing, but living in a sprawling yet sparse, hot, humid, swamp like houston makes walking not nearly as practical as it should be.
since coming back to houston, i've been meaning to write every day like i was doing when i started this in colorado. for most of the month i've been reading a lot and thinking but not really forming any ideas. i've also been relatively care free these days, not worrying about losing a job, finding a job, or where i'm going in life. finally i've started to be able to just enjoy each day as it happens. however, as orlando's biographer complained, "life...has nothing whatever to do with sitting still in a chair and thinking...therefore...there is nothing for it but to recite the calendar". not having so much on my mind, i haven't been writing much, but whenever my mind starts churning again, i suppose i'll start to air it out here again.
e so that the western edge of the park was shaded by trees while the open center was still brightly lit. i set myself down on the cool grass near the shade. there were plenty of other people in the park sitting on blankets having picnics, reading books, or playing with their dogs. i made a mental note that i should start carrying a big blanket in my car for occasions like this. i sat in the warm sun reading chuang tzu for a long time. after that, i stretched out on the grass and stared up at the sky and let my mind wander.i had stayed out late with some friends friday night, so saturday i stayed in bed for a long while. i didn't really sleep but was somewhere between dozing and fully awake. again i let my mind wander and thoroughly enjoyed it. after i finally got out of bed, i made my way down to starbucks where, despite my best efforts, i'm now recognized as the guy who buys the smallest coffee, leaves the smallest tip, and wastes the most afternoons. well, i'm not sure about all those titles, but i've certainly been recognized as someone who comes in often enough to warrant recognizing. after some time there, i had a craving for some greasy chinese buffet food so i called my friend pablo and we met up for an early dinner. we had a pretty good conversation about how to approach life. our outlooks are vastly opposed. he likes to have a long term plan while i like to drift about. after this, we met up some more friends and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon and evening out on a patio sipping margaritas telling old stories.
finally, today i enjoyed the afternoon by taking a nice long walk around my neighborhood. i used to do this back in high school and would hardly see anyone else walking. today i'm happy to see that there are some trails put in and more people out enjoying the afternoon this way. it might sound like a small thing, but living in a sprawling yet sparse, hot, humid, swamp like houston makes walking not nearly as practical as it should be.
since coming back to houston, i've been meaning to write every day like i was doing when i started this in colorado. for most of the month i've been reading a lot and thinking but not really forming any ideas. i've also been relatively care free these days, not worrying about losing a job, finding a job, or where i'm going in life. finally i've started to be able to just enjoy each day as it happens. however, as orlando's biographer complained, "life...has nothing whatever to do with sitting still in a chair and thinking...therefore...there is nothing for it but to recite the calendar". not having so much on my mind, i haven't been writing much, but whenever my mind starts churning again, i suppose i'll start to air it out here again.
Monday, March 30, 2009
more travel notes
2/11
today we left for albuquerque. the weather the last few days was uncooperative and we were forced to wait for a better opportunity. while waiting, i spent the days reading the wall street journal and raiding james's fridge. we also did a little hiking warm up by taking a nice walk around his neighborhood in the foothills of the franklin mountains.
on the way to albuquerque we passed through white sands national monument. it was a cloudy day and late in the afternoon which made it kind of chilly. seeing white sands again was like seeing an old friend. the first time i saw it was on my first road trip out west and it's become part of the reason why i love the southwest so much.
after having a hot'n'ready pizza for dinner in james's van, we set off again. we took a dark road that passes about 50 miles north of the white sands missile range trinity site where the world's first atomic bomb was detonated. in the same area is the valley of the fires but we didn't have time or daylight to stop there. this long dark road was truly in the middle of nowhere. while white sands was cloudy, here the sky was crystal clear. without any nearby cities to bleed light into the sky, i saw the brightest stars i've ever seen in my life. you could see stars all the way to the horizon. we got out to take a longer look at the sky. i saw the milky way for the first time. it was this fuzzy collection of stars and dust that stretched from the east end of the sky to the west. truly a beautiful sight.
james is in the habit of roll starting his car to save gas. i'm not sure if this is effective but it's certainly fun. after looking at the stars, we opened the doors to the van and pushed the car until i could barely keep pace. we jumped into the car, james put it in first gear, let the clutch go, and we rocked forward a moment before the engine started.
a few hours later, we arrived in albuquerque to stay with our friends ted and natasha. we chatted a while getting caught up with each other and ate ted's delicious guacamole dip. all in all, a pretty good day.
today we left for albuquerque. the weather the last few days was uncooperative and we were forced to wait for a better opportunity. while waiting, i spent the days reading the wall street journal and raiding james's fridge. we also did a little hiking warm up by taking a nice walk around his neighborhood in the foothills of the franklin mountains.
on the way to albuquerque we passed through white sands national monument. it was a cloudy day and late in the afternoon which made it kind of chilly. seeing white sands again was like seeing an old friend. the first time i saw it was on my first road trip out west and it's become part of the reason why i love the southwest so much.after having a hot'n'ready pizza for dinner in james's van, we set off again. we took a dark road that passes about 50 miles north of the white sands missile range trinity site where the world's first atomic bomb was detonated. in the same area is the valley of the fires but we didn't have time or daylight to stop there. this long dark road was truly in the middle of nowhere. while white sands was cloudy, here the sky was crystal clear. without any nearby cities to bleed light into the sky, i saw the brightest stars i've ever seen in my life. you could see stars all the way to the horizon. we got out to take a longer look at the sky. i saw the milky way for the first time. it was this fuzzy collection of stars and dust that stretched from the east end of the sky to the west. truly a beautiful sight.
james is in the habit of roll starting his car to save gas. i'm not sure if this is effective but it's certainly fun. after looking at the stars, we opened the doors to the van and pushed the car until i could barely keep pace. we jumped into the car, james put it in first gear, let the clutch go, and we rocked forward a moment before the engine started.
a few hours later, we arrived in albuquerque to stay with our friends ted and natasha. we chatted a while getting caught up with each other and ate ted's delicious guacamole dip. all in all, a pretty good day.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
hermann park
the weather the last few days has been beautiful. dark clouds and short bursts of rain give way to cool sunny skies for the rest of the afternoon. i set out today not knowing where i would end up. i saw a sign giving information about parking for the bayou city art festival, so i headed that way. i spent about 40 minutes in traffic without finding a parking spot, but it was such a nice day to be out that i didn't mind too much. i gave up on the art festival and headed towards the museum of fine arts. i usually don't have a problem parking there, but i found the place i normally park was full. so, i headed across the street to hermann park and eventually found some place to get out of my car. an hour and 35 miles later, i ended up sitting on the hill in front of the miller outdoor theatre, enjoying the afternoon sun and reading a book.
it might seem like a long way and a lot of trouble to find a patch of grass, but it's funny how certain places take on such significance. although this hill is nothing special in particular, there are a lot of good memories for me there. as a kid, i remember taking field trips to the museum of natural science and having a picnic lunch on this hill. after lunch, it seemed proper to roll like logs and race down the hill. indeed, i can't remember a single instance where i've been there and didn't roll down the hill or watch every kid under 10 roll down the hill.
i've had several dates there. i've sat on a bench by myself having lunch there more than once. i've been restless at night and walked around there. maybe i have a long memory, or maybe i'm lazy in finding places to visit, but this hill 35 miles away from where i live seems to be a favorite place of mine. and a favorite place for a lot of other people too.
the first days of my unemployment seemed to move so slow. one week seemed like three. these days seem to move pretty fast. i don't move fast at all, but the days do, so that two weeks pass without me noticing. it's like when i was working but without the stress. having become aware of this has made me a little restless in the last few days. i started to wonder how i let a month go by without accomplishing anything. then i started to wonder what it is that i want to accomplish. having no immediate answers, i started to feel like i'm becoming dull.
now i'm wondering if being dull is a problem, or if being dull is a step forward. maybe feeling dull is actually all the noisy thoughts in my head taking a break, making room for something new to come in. or, maybe feeling dull is actually a result of not exercising my brain and instead has made it harder to see the subtle. or maybe i'm getting carried away, hahaha. in any case, i'm starting to feel like i've had a lot of rest and that i'm ready to be a little more active. active in what i've yet to decide on.
it might seem like a long way and a lot of trouble to find a patch of grass, but it's funny how certain places take on such significance. although this hill is nothing special in particular, there are a lot of good memories for me there. as a kid, i remember taking field trips to the museum of natural science and having a picnic lunch on this hill. after lunch, it seemed proper to roll like logs and race down the hill. indeed, i can't remember a single instance where i've been there and didn't roll down the hill or watch every kid under 10 roll down the hill.
i've had several dates there. i've sat on a bench by myself having lunch there more than once. i've been restless at night and walked around there. maybe i have a long memory, or maybe i'm lazy in finding places to visit, but this hill 35 miles away from where i live seems to be a favorite place of mine. and a favorite place for a lot of other people too.
the first days of my unemployment seemed to move so slow. one week seemed like three. these days seem to move pretty fast. i don't move fast at all, but the days do, so that two weeks pass without me noticing. it's like when i was working but without the stress. having become aware of this has made me a little restless in the last few days. i started to wonder how i let a month go by without accomplishing anything. then i started to wonder what it is that i want to accomplish. having no immediate answers, i started to feel like i'm becoming dull.
now i'm wondering if being dull is a problem, or if being dull is a step forward. maybe feeling dull is actually all the noisy thoughts in my head taking a break, making room for something new to come in. or, maybe feeling dull is actually a result of not exercising my brain and instead has made it harder to see the subtle. or maybe i'm getting carried away, hahaha. in any case, i'm starting to feel like i've had a lot of rest and that i'm ready to be a little more active. active in what i've yet to decide on.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
reboot
this afternoon, i spent a ridiculous amount of time writing a program to backup my hard disk to my usb drive. on one hand, i'm too cheap to pay for backup software and on the other, i couldn't find what i wanted for free. so, i thought it'd be a good exercise to have a go at it.
several hours later, i finished it and it seems to work okay. i'm also reminded of why i don't want to work on computers anymore. i still haven't found a peaceful way to work on them. something trivial doesn't work the way it should or something crashes or some other tedious thing which has me cursing under my breath at the screen and pounding at the keyboard. add three cups of coffee daily to the mix and i'm not a pleasant person to be around. and it's not just me... one of my nicer colleagues would yell "you stupid tool!" at his monitor three times a week. another colleague would see his cursor freeze, pound the ctrl-alt-delete combo three or four times, slam the mouse onto the desk, yell "i hate this f*ing place!" (imagine something like al pacino in "heat" here), and walk out to have a cigarette.
i had a recruiter call me about a job yesterday. the position was doing the same sort of work i was doing at my first job. i was inclined to call back about it, but after today's exercise, my will to stay out of engineering for now is renewed.
on a lighter note, i was talking with my friend the other day and the topic of the moon landings came up. i told her the main problem i think might cast some doubt on it would be the guidance computer. i just spent a bunch of time looking up some stuff trying to debunk the moon landing hoax theories. a lot of the hoax theories had pretty reasonable explanations. still, what do i know? and besides, what does it matter?
just don't tell me a computer will be steering my car for me. seeing "microsoft" on the stereo in a rental car is enough to make me nervous.
several hours later, i finished it and it seems to work okay. i'm also reminded of why i don't want to work on computers anymore. i still haven't found a peaceful way to work on them. something trivial doesn't work the way it should or something crashes or some other tedious thing which has me cursing under my breath at the screen and pounding at the keyboard. add three cups of coffee daily to the mix and i'm not a pleasant person to be around. and it's not just me... one of my nicer colleagues would yell "you stupid tool!" at his monitor three times a week. another colleague would see his cursor freeze, pound the ctrl-alt-delete combo three or four times, slam the mouse onto the desk, yell "i hate this f*ing place!" (imagine something like al pacino in "heat" here), and walk out to have a cigarette.
i had a recruiter call me about a job yesterday. the position was doing the same sort of work i was doing at my first job. i was inclined to call back about it, but after today's exercise, my will to stay out of engineering for now is renewed.
on a lighter note, i was talking with my friend the other day and the topic of the moon landings came up. i told her the main problem i think might cast some doubt on it would be the guidance computer. i just spent a bunch of time looking up some stuff trying to debunk the moon landing hoax theories. a lot of the hoax theories had pretty reasonable explanations. still, what do i know? and besides, what does it matter?
just don't tell me a computer will be steering my car for me. seeing "microsoft" on the stereo in a rental car is enough to make me nervous.
Monday, March 23, 2009
a very nice spring break
these days are pretty quiet.
i'm reading and thinking a lot, but for the time being, nothing is troubling me.
i hear birds singing outside my window in the morning.
i see beautiful red azaleas in my backyard and deep blue bluebonnets on the side of the road.
i'm eating well and visiting my friends often.
just saying hi
i'm reading and thinking a lot, but for the time being, nothing is troubling me.
i hear birds singing outside my window in the morning.
i see beautiful red azaleas in my backyard and deep blue bluebonnets on the side of the road.
i'm eating well and visiting my friends often.
just saying hi
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
get a job
so, i'm finally catching up a little bit with the world and ripping my cd's into itunes. it's awfully tedious, but there's a box of cd's that's been sitting in my room taking up precious space and not being listened to. at least this way, i can hear some of my collection while eventually being able to put this box away. i'm hoping this tedious work doesn't bother my computer too much.
these days, i've started to complain a bit about how expensive things are and the advice i keep getting is: get a job. i suppose being unemployed hoping for understanding from people who are working is pretty useless. i suppose hoping for understanding from people about anything is pretty useless. or maybe complaining in the first place is the useless thing.
i started reading chuang tzu yesterday. there are several stories about a huge old tree which is so twisted and knotted as to be useless for a carpenter. chuang tzu's comment is that the reason the tree is so old is because it is useless. if it were useful for making furniture or other things, it would have been cut down long ago. it would be tempting for me to reason that being unemployed and useless is best because you'll never be bothered and thus be free to live as you please, but i hardly believe i could get away with it. instead, i'd like to think this story isn't encouraging uselessness over usefulness. inaction over action. the tree didn't decide to be useless or try to live long, but it was able to see a benefit just by being itself. if it were a useless weed in a garden instead, it would be the first thing to get cut down. so, being useless in itself is not a final solution, and being yourself is no guarantee of an easy life either. maybe the point is just that you should find every advantage you can with what you already are before you look to being something else.
these days, i've started to complain a bit about how expensive things are and the advice i keep getting is: get a job. i suppose being unemployed hoping for understanding from people who are working is pretty useless. i suppose hoping for understanding from people about anything is pretty useless. or maybe complaining in the first place is the useless thing.
i started reading chuang tzu yesterday. there are several stories about a huge old tree which is so twisted and knotted as to be useless for a carpenter. chuang tzu's comment is that the reason the tree is so old is because it is useless. if it were useful for making furniture or other things, it would have been cut down long ago. it would be tempting for me to reason that being unemployed and useless is best because you'll never be bothered and thus be free to live as you please, but i hardly believe i could get away with it. instead, i'd like to think this story isn't encouraging uselessness over usefulness. inaction over action. the tree didn't decide to be useless or try to live long, but it was able to see a benefit just by being itself. if it were a useless weed in a garden instead, it would be the first thing to get cut down. so, being useless in itself is not a final solution, and being yourself is no guarantee of an easy life either. maybe the point is just that you should find every advantage you can with what you already are before you look to being something else.
Monday, March 16, 2009
walking to the sounds of my favorite tune
so i broke the news to my mom earlier this week that i plan to leave the country and study chinese. as one might imagine, she wasn't too excited about it. having revealed my plan to my mom is a pretty big step. i've pretty much committed to the idea, and having realized that, i've really seen how much preparation is ahead of me. for one, i actually have to apply to school. another item i have to handle is how to get rid of my car. as much as i like my car, it doesn't make much sense to keep paying for it if i'm not here. beyond that, if i don't think too much, then everything ought to work itself out.
i spent the afternoon making a list of things i need to take care of before i head out. in addition, i paid a whole bunch of bills and paid my taxes. sad stuff. to lighten the day, i met up some friends and headed out for a beer, which turned into a pretty good night. i read some piece of advice today suggesting that even limitations should have some limitation and i took it to mean that i should splurge a bit and treat myself well today. who can hold it against me?
i've finally finished re-reading "orlando" and have started to clean up the rough draft of my essay for the writing project i have with my friend. going back, it seems i have ten thoughts for every sentence i've written. i'm not really sure if what i've written will make sense, yet i have a hard time to fill out the details. this project has been pretty good for me though. i've actually taken some time to take advantage of all the resources online to read some critical analysis of "orlando". what i've read so far has kinda given me confidence in the things that i've written, but has also given me some food for thought. it all started when i tried to search out the meaning of the wild goose orlando sees at the end of the novel. i haven't found any easy answers to that one. i suppose i'll just have to go back and dig through the novel again.
all in all, not a bad sunday, and a good start to getting back into some kind of business. hope it warms up soon. this cold damp weather is awful.
i spent the afternoon making a list of things i need to take care of before i head out. in addition, i paid a whole bunch of bills and paid my taxes. sad stuff. to lighten the day, i met up some friends and headed out for a beer, which turned into a pretty good night. i read some piece of advice today suggesting that even limitations should have some limitation and i took it to mean that i should splurge a bit and treat myself well today. who can hold it against me?
i've finally finished re-reading "orlando" and have started to clean up the rough draft of my essay for the writing project i have with my friend. going back, it seems i have ten thoughts for every sentence i've written. i'm not really sure if what i've written will make sense, yet i have a hard time to fill out the details. this project has been pretty good for me though. i've actually taken some time to take advantage of all the resources online to read some critical analysis of "orlando". what i've read so far has kinda given me confidence in the things that i've written, but has also given me some food for thought. it all started when i tried to search out the meaning of the wild goose orlando sees at the end of the novel. i haven't found any easy answers to that one. i suppose i'll just have to go back and dig through the novel again.
all in all, not a bad sunday, and a good start to getting back into some kind of business. hope it warms up soon. this cold damp weather is awful.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
cold wet days
at the end of my third week home, days fly by. every other day is centered on swimming. in between, i usually distract myself in starbucks. $2 for a cup of coffee. $0.54 for a refill. i usually give the rest as tip, so that for $3, i have several hours, surrounded by others, yet privately mine, to reflect, to read, to write. there's something about sitting up straight, at a table, dressed in your clothes for heading out, that puts you in a state of mind to allow serious thought. i can't possibly accomplish this at home with the easy distraction of internet, the bed, and in the easy comfort of house clothes.
keeping me company today is an empty pitcher set on the floor to catch drops of water from the leaking roof. it's the kind of pitcher that holds frappucino mix. at least that's what i used to use when i was still employed by starbucks. the weather the last few days has been cold and wet. we've dispensed with the heater at home in an effort to save a bit of money on the electric bill. instead, we wear extra layers of clothes, or in my case, leave the house entirely to make use of someone else's heater.
it's strange how time can be so full and so slow. can be so empty and so quick. quick in passing but slow in one's mind. is it really 2009? is it really march? just six months ago i was exhausted and uneasy about my work, my future. now, i'm liberated. no layoff threat hanging over my head. i've voluntarily conceded. my future looks exceedingly simple. i don't know why people wait until they're old to retire. having a little sample is pretty good.
having no job but still having several indispensable expenses has given me an opportunity to refresh what little i've learned about budgeting. where months ago 54 cents was a negligible amount, 54 cents looms large today when i set a $3 limit on coffee, which if i were only buying coffee would be expensive, but factoring in the freedom for thought and the opportunity to head out and check if my clothes still fit, is quite a bargain. where i once thought nothing of $5 for fast food or a pint in a bar, i'm loathe to eat out on my own. but enough already before i start to sound as stingy as thoreau.
keeping me company today is an empty pitcher set on the floor to catch drops of water from the leaking roof. it's the kind of pitcher that holds frappucino mix. at least that's what i used to use when i was still employed by starbucks. the weather the last few days has been cold and wet. we've dispensed with the heater at home in an effort to save a bit of money on the electric bill. instead, we wear extra layers of clothes, or in my case, leave the house entirely to make use of someone else's heater.
it's strange how time can be so full and so slow. can be so empty and so quick. quick in passing but slow in one's mind. is it really 2009? is it really march? just six months ago i was exhausted and uneasy about my work, my future. now, i'm liberated. no layoff threat hanging over my head. i've voluntarily conceded. my future looks exceedingly simple. i don't know why people wait until they're old to retire. having a little sample is pretty good.
having no job but still having several indispensable expenses has given me an opportunity to refresh what little i've learned about budgeting. where months ago 54 cents was a negligible amount, 54 cents looms large today when i set a $3 limit on coffee, which if i were only buying coffee would be expensive, but factoring in the freedom for thought and the opportunity to head out and check if my clothes still fit, is quite a bargain. where i once thought nothing of $5 for fast food or a pint in a bar, i'm loathe to eat out on my own. but enough already before i start to sound as stingy as thoreau.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
fun with audio
i was in starbucks this afternoon writing when i heard a motown-style cover of "light my fire" come on the in-store play. i had the bright idea to try to record it with my laptop using the built-in mic. there was a ton of background noise...the baristas making coffee, a high school student and his tutor nearby doing a math problem. when i went back to listen to the recording, the song sounded pretty thin compared to all the other noise. i fussed around with this horn part until i isolated it, got most of the background noise out, and re-layered it using pitched-down copies of the original sound to fill in some bass. later tonight, i added some other bass notes following the original melody to round out the sound some more. by this point, the sound barely resembled the recording i made this afternoon. all the processing had added these artifacts which sounded like what you might hear if dolphins could play trumpet. i was pretty entertained by what i'd come up with.
i added a lazy drum beat and tried out my new breakbeat toy. it's a program which will chop up your loop and randomly mangle it but still keep some essence of the original beat.
all in all, i got some interesting and original results. not bad for starting with a recording made in a noisy starbucks.
i added a lazy drum beat and tried out my new breakbeat toy. it's a program which will chop up your loop and randomly mangle it but still keep some essence of the original beat.
all in all, i got some interesting and original results. not bad for starting with a recording made in a noisy starbucks.
Monday, March 9, 2009
more cheap activites in houston
happy daylight savings to all the poor people who had to surrender one hour of sleep last night. i actually didn't notice too much because i slept all day today.
last night i went to two different art shows in downtown. the first one was in a warehouse behind what used to be, and still might be, a greco-roman wrestling training gym. there were some local artists exhibiting and selling their paintings and photos. in one corner, weighing in at 25lbs, was a donation-appreciated (read: free) wine bar with cheese and crackers. in the other corner, weighing in at 400lbs, was a dj setup with turntables and macbook pro playing an interesting mix of 80's music with the odd kraftwerk or flossie and the unicorns track thrown in for good measure. some kids were dancing. some kids were shooting pictures. everyone was having a good time.
after the first show ended, i went to a second show, which was really one artist selling a small selection of her work, at a nice lounge on the other side of downtown. the art didn't really keep us there, but the dj's upstairs and downstairs did. again, they were setup with turntables and laptops, this time playing some old-school house downstairs and some big club beats upstairs. the music selection was pretty good and people were dancing throughout the night.
the laptops made me feel as if i've been living in a time capsule for the last few years though. the dj's i used to go out and see all played vinyl. when i was still dj'ing i played vinyl too. last night, the gigs of disk space opened up all sorts of variety for the sets. instead of spending the afternoon sorting through dusty record bins for an old new order single, you can download the mp3 and play it that night. plus, you don't have to pay for shipping or break your back carrying 50lbs of records. i wish i had all that gear back then.
still, with all the fancy hardware and software, the main dj last night kept trainwrecking and i even heard songs skip. good thing there's still life in it.
last night i went to two different art shows in downtown. the first one was in a warehouse behind what used to be, and still might be, a greco-roman wrestling training gym. there were some local artists exhibiting and selling their paintings and photos. in one corner, weighing in at 25lbs, was a donation-appreciated (read: free) wine bar with cheese and crackers. in the other corner, weighing in at 400lbs, was a dj setup with turntables and macbook pro playing an interesting mix of 80's music with the odd kraftwerk or flossie and the unicorns track thrown in for good measure. some kids were dancing. some kids were shooting pictures. everyone was having a good time.
after the first show ended, i went to a second show, which was really one artist selling a small selection of her work, at a nice lounge on the other side of downtown. the art didn't really keep us there, but the dj's upstairs and downstairs did. again, they were setup with turntables and laptops, this time playing some old-school house downstairs and some big club beats upstairs. the music selection was pretty good and people were dancing throughout the night.
the laptops made me feel as if i've been living in a time capsule for the last few years though. the dj's i used to go out and see all played vinyl. when i was still dj'ing i played vinyl too. last night, the gigs of disk space opened up all sorts of variety for the sets. instead of spending the afternoon sorting through dusty record bins for an old new order single, you can download the mp3 and play it that night. plus, you don't have to pay for shipping or break your back carrying 50lbs of records. i wish i had all that gear back then.
still, with all the fancy hardware and software, the main dj last night kept trainwrecking and i even heard songs skip. good thing there's still life in it.
Friday, March 6, 2009
mark rothko
i had my second swim session this week. after wearing myself out during the first one, i spent some time to find a reasonable workout instead of randomly doing laps until i injure myself. this time went much better and at a better pace.
yesterday i went to free museum day at the MFA. i saw lot of interesting exhibitions but the thing that struck me was how cold a lot of the contemporary art was to me. there was an exhibition of art recently found in afghanistan. jewelry, astronomical instruments, painted glass...things which had a place in someone's life. my impression of the contemporary art was that as interesting or inventive as it might be, for the most part i couldn't see the pieces having any life outside of a museum. i don't know why, but the feeling was particularly strong yesterday and it saddened me a little bit.
i got a phone call from my other recruiter today. what's funny is that my recruiters will call me and ask me how the job opportunities look. i should think they would know better than me as it's their job to know right? i've stopped trying to sound like i'm seriously looking and told him that while jobs are getting harder to find these days, i'm just going to take a break until things get better. he basically told me that he's not seeing any jobs either but that i'd be first on the list if he does see one. that's what they all say... anyway, i smiled pretty big after we got off the phone. i was free, out enjoying the sunny afternoon, not feeling bad for turning down any job offers.
yesterday i went to free museum day at the MFA. i saw lot of interesting exhibitions but the thing that struck me was how cold a lot of the contemporary art was to me. there was an exhibition of art recently found in afghanistan. jewelry, astronomical instruments, painted glass...things which had a place in someone's life. my impression of the contemporary art was that as interesting or inventive as it might be, for the most part i couldn't see the pieces having any life outside of a museum. i don't know why, but the feeling was particularly strong yesterday and it saddened me a little bit.
i got a phone call from my other recruiter today. what's funny is that my recruiters will call me and ask me how the job opportunities look. i should think they would know better than me as it's their job to know right? i've stopped trying to sound like i'm seriously looking and told him that while jobs are getting harder to find these days, i'm just going to take a break until things get better. he basically told me that he's not seeing any jobs either but that i'd be first on the list if he does see one. that's what they all say... anyway, i smiled pretty big after we got off the phone. i was free, out enjoying the sunny afternoon, not feeling bad for turning down any job offers.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
travel notes
2/7
james and i wandered around el paso today. we took the vw vanagon up scenic drive and stopped to take a look out over the city below. el paso seemed so small compared to the endless stretch of juarez across the border.
we pressed on to take a walk in downtown. there was an amazing sunset that day that set the sky on fire. bright orange clouds loomed menacingly low in the sky against mountains in the distance. we got on the roof of the union station parking garage to get a great view.
after the sun set, we wandered around the UTEP campus, concentrating on the fine arts buildings, finding our way into a ballet studio, a painting studio, several music practice rooms, and two theatres. we got to the catwalk of the first theatre, but didn't get much further as there was a show going on the stage below. the second theatre was empty and we were able to climb some dizzying ladders to the top of the stage.
afterwards, we killed some time in a coffee house talking about lao tzu, waiting for the bars to open. we did a pub crawl stopping at several places, ending up in the middle of a hip hop show, which turned out to be pretty good. in the depths of myspace, there's an embarassing picture of me at the show dancing, with the toothbrush i bought earlier in the night sticking out of my back pocket. upstairs, there was a rock show going on with a band that was pretty good as well. james tried to start a mosh pit by throwing me at some people standing nearby. fortunately, i was able to control myself and avoid flying into them.
2/9
our plans to head to albuquerque have been delayed again. there's a storm in new mexico so we decided to wait it out. with no good ideas, we headed to the casino to try to raise some funds for the rest of the week. i won $70 in less than ten minutes at the slot machines, which has never happened before. we left while we were ahead.
james and i wandered around el paso today. we took the vw vanagon up scenic drive and stopped to take a look out over the city below. el paso seemed so small compared to the endless stretch of juarez across the border.
we pressed on to take a walk in downtown. there was an amazing sunset that day that set the sky on fire. bright orange clouds loomed menacingly low in the sky against mountains in the distance. we got on the roof of the union station parking garage to get a great view.after the sun set, we wandered around the UTEP campus, concentrating on the fine arts buildings, finding our way into a ballet studio, a painting studio, several music practice rooms, and two theatres. we got to the catwalk of the first theatre, but didn't get much further as there was a show going on the stage below. the second theatre was empty and we were able to climb some dizzying ladders to the top of the stage.
afterwards, we killed some time in a coffee house talking about lao tzu, waiting for the bars to open. we did a pub crawl stopping at several places, ending up in the middle of a hip hop show, which turned out to be pretty good. in the depths of myspace, there's an embarassing picture of me at the show dancing, with the toothbrush i bought earlier in the night sticking out of my back pocket. upstairs, there was a rock show going on with a band that was pretty good as well. james tried to start a mosh pit by throwing me at some people standing nearby. fortunately, i was able to control myself and avoid flying into them.
2/9
our plans to head to albuquerque have been delayed again. there's a storm in new mexico so we decided to wait it out. with no good ideas, we headed to the casino to try to raise some funds for the rest of the week. i won $70 in less than ten minutes at the slot machines, which has never happened before. we left while we were ahead.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
routine
okay, now that i've had plenty of time to relax and settle in, i'd like to start writing again. it's been a good way to have a little daily routine and stay somewhat thoughtful.
i spent some time this morning looking at joining a gym with the intention of swimming and trying out some tai chi and/or yoga classes. after a while, it became pretty apparent that for what i want to do, it seems a gym membership is too expensive and more than i need. instead, i went swimming today at the community center. the pool was pretty nice with four lap lanes. not too busy. and best of all, free, if you don't factor in the taxes that eventually pay to keep the place open. they even had free classes for yoga and tai chi, although i don't know what kind of quality to expect. still, i'll give it a try sometime this month before deciding i want to spend money.
swimming wore me out and i ended up taking a nice long nap this afternoon. following that, i treated myself to some delicious sushi tonight. i haven't had good sushi in a long time and it didn't break the bank.
i'm really enjoying myself these days. i'm getting plenty of sleep, plenty of sunshine, and don't really think a lot like i used to. when people complain to me about the economy, my immediate response has become: "it's a good year to take a vacation."
i spent some time this morning looking at joining a gym with the intention of swimming and trying out some tai chi and/or yoga classes. after a while, it became pretty apparent that for what i want to do, it seems a gym membership is too expensive and more than i need. instead, i went swimming today at the community center. the pool was pretty nice with four lap lanes. not too busy. and best of all, free, if you don't factor in the taxes that eventually pay to keep the place open. they even had free classes for yoga and tai chi, although i don't know what kind of quality to expect. still, i'll give it a try sometime this month before deciding i want to spend money.
swimming wore me out and i ended up taking a nice long nap this afternoon. following that, i treated myself to some delicious sushi tonight. i haven't had good sushi in a long time and it didn't break the bank.
i'm really enjoying myself these days. i'm getting plenty of sleep, plenty of sunshine, and don't really think a lot like i used to. when people complain to me about the economy, my immediate response has become: "it's a good year to take a vacation."
Monday, March 2, 2009
it's been a long time since i rock and rolled
after making a nice stop through albuquerque and el paso, i'm back in houston. i thought spending winter in colorado would toughen me up but i have to admit it's a little chilly these days.
i had a big day the day i left colorado. i packed all my things into my tiny vw rabbit and hit the road at about 11am. james told me about great sand dunes national monument the day before i left and at the last minute, i decided to make a little detour to check it out. i'm glad i did. getting there took me off the main interstate for a more scenic drive. i went though a mountain pass and emerged in a valley covered in snow. on either side of the road, you could only make out the tops of the wire fences.
i was only at great sand dunes for an hour or so, but it was time enough to take a walk out. the sand dunes are the tallest in north america. they're formed in a kind of nook where the surrounding mountain ranges meet.
the wind is incredible there. i was chilled pretty quickly although i was walking in the afternoon sun. fortunately, the wind wasn't throwing sand in my face. the sand bounced along close to the ground, looking like smoke or fog running past my feet. i also saw a tumbleweed go past me. i had never seen one except from inside of a moving car. the tumbleweed had a funny way of moving, doing a cartwheel then leaping off it's back foot into the next movement.
after leaving, it was about 8 hours to el paso. the drive went by surprisingly easily. i remember the first time i drove from houston to el paso by myself. it was about 11 hours and in that time, i had gone through 6 cd's and restlessly sang and screamed out loud to stay sane. on the drive from colorado springs to el paso, i only played 2 cd's and most of the time i had the stereo off. compared to my 19 hour drive to colorado from houston, it was a piece of cake.
more about my adventures in the southwest later.
i had a big day the day i left colorado. i packed all my things into my tiny vw rabbit and hit the road at about 11am. james told me about great sand dunes national monument the day before i left and at the last minute, i decided to make a little detour to check it out. i'm glad i did. getting there took me off the main interstate for a more scenic drive. i went though a mountain pass and emerged in a valley covered in snow. on either side of the road, you could only make out the tops of the wire fences.
i was only at great sand dunes for an hour or so, but it was time enough to take a walk out. the sand dunes are the tallest in north america. they're formed in a kind of nook where the surrounding mountain ranges meet.
the wind is incredible there. i was chilled pretty quickly although i was walking in the afternoon sun. fortunately, the wind wasn't throwing sand in my face. the sand bounced along close to the ground, looking like smoke or fog running past my feet. i also saw a tumbleweed go past me. i had never seen one except from inside of a moving car. the tumbleweed had a funny way of moving, doing a cartwheel then leaping off it's back foot into the next movement.after leaving, it was about 8 hours to el paso. the drive went by surprisingly easily. i remember the first time i drove from houston to el paso by myself. it was about 11 hours and in that time, i had gone through 6 cd's and restlessly sang and screamed out loud to stay sane. on the drive from colorado springs to el paso, i only played 2 cd's and most of the time i had the stereo off. compared to my 19 hour drive to colorado from houston, it was a piece of cake.
more about my adventures in the southwest later.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
an essay on how to approach things
this morning, i had the pleasure of talking with my friend about the right way to approach things. i was having coffee this afternoon, thinking about what i've done, what i want to do, and what has made me satisfied or disappointed with my work. i started daydreaming and wrote a little essay about what kind of attitude i would like to have when i get started on whatever it is i do next.
...
what separates the artist from the dilettante, the master from the apprentice, is the precision, the subtlety, and the range of expression the artist has at their command. a roar in one instant and a whisper in the next. the expanse of the valley and the shadow of a smile.
to be able to express the subtle, one must first see, hear, and feel the subtle. empty, receptive, letting the senses tell what is missing. only then can the execution be full.
following subtlety is control. without this, the unmitigated outpouring of creative expression succumbs to a chaos, a cacophony, unbalanced and worthy of pity. pity at what might have been beautiful.
the tao te ching says:
people often approach success in their affairs
only to fail at the end.
care at the end as at the beginning
averts failure.
in everything i do, i will strive to be this careful, this mindful. to not do so is to guarantee a failed effort and a waste of energy, for how can we learn from failure when we have not used all our faculties first? we can only learn when we have applied everything we already know. we can only succeed when we have learned everything we can from failure.
...
i was working on my new track this morning and have almost finished it. this afternoon i was thinking back on all the other tracks i've done. i've had this hobby for almost ten years now. a lot of work i've done has had good points but i've never been fully satisfied with the final product. the track i'm working on now is the best i've done so far. i don't want to ruin it by rushing to the finish line.
i'm finally headed out tomorrow. i'm going to keep some daily notes and post them when i get setup again.
until next time...
...
what separates the artist from the dilettante, the master from the apprentice, is the precision, the subtlety, and the range of expression the artist has at their command. a roar in one instant and a whisper in the next. the expanse of the valley and the shadow of a smile.
to be able to express the subtle, one must first see, hear, and feel the subtle. empty, receptive, letting the senses tell what is missing. only then can the execution be full.
following subtlety is control. without this, the unmitigated outpouring of creative expression succumbs to a chaos, a cacophony, unbalanced and worthy of pity. pity at what might have been beautiful.
the tao te ching says:
people often approach success in their affairs
only to fail at the end.
care at the end as at the beginning
averts failure.
in everything i do, i will strive to be this careful, this mindful. to not do so is to guarantee a failed effort and a waste of energy, for how can we learn from failure when we have not used all our faculties first? we can only learn when we have applied everything we already know. we can only succeed when we have learned everything we can from failure.
...
i was working on my new track this morning and have almost finished it. this afternoon i was thinking back on all the other tracks i've done. i've had this hobby for almost ten years now. a lot of work i've done has had good points but i've never been fully satisfied with the final product. the track i'm working on now is the best i've done so far. i don't want to ruin it by rushing to the finish line.
i'm finally headed out tomorrow. i'm going to keep some daily notes and post them when i get setup again.
until next time...
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
sunny afternoon
it's about 10pm and i'm actually a little sleepy. i woke up before sunrise this morning and have been busy doing some more cleanup and packing. it was pretty nice to be up during regular hours for the first time in two weeks.
i spent the afternoon washing laundry and enjoying the nice weather. i forgot to bring a book with me, so i sat in this chair with a small attached desk that must have been taken from a high school and stared at the washing machine. the afternoon sun coming in through the window was warm and a nice breeze was coming in through the open doors. i only watched the washing machine for a few minutes before nodding off.
when i was a kid, i fell asleep in my backyard on a day like today. there's a storage shed in my backyard but before it was stuffed full of yardwork tools and pesticides, it was a clubhouse for my sister. my father and grandfather built it when my grandparents came to stay with us when i was ten years old. it was actually pretty cool. it had a front door that was "locked" from the inside by a string tied to a nail. it had two windows that were hinged at the top and were held open by metal wires looped around nails on the outside.
the really nice touch to the thing was that my grandparents brought a hammock from the philippines and hung it up inside the clubhouse. i went out there one afternoon and opened the door and windows to let in the nice breeze. i lay down in the hammock for the first time and i remember the ropes digging into my back. i always imagined a hammock to be a really comfortable thing but it wasn't. not at first anyway. i kept laying in it, staring up at the ceiling, feeling the cool breeze and the warm sun. i let my eyes close and shortly fell asleep. when i woke up, the sun had almost set.
i tried to sleep in that hammock another time but i never could. there was something nice about that afternoon that i could never find again. a few years went by and my sister and i outgrew it so it became a storage shed.
i once bought a hammock for a friend as a gift. we never set it up though. i'm not sure what happened to it. i was kinda looking forward to falling asleep in a hammock again but i didn't get the chance. that afternoon in my backyard was the first and only time.
i spent the afternoon washing laundry and enjoying the nice weather. i forgot to bring a book with me, so i sat in this chair with a small attached desk that must have been taken from a high school and stared at the washing machine. the afternoon sun coming in through the window was warm and a nice breeze was coming in through the open doors. i only watched the washing machine for a few minutes before nodding off.
when i was a kid, i fell asleep in my backyard on a day like today. there's a storage shed in my backyard but before it was stuffed full of yardwork tools and pesticides, it was a clubhouse for my sister. my father and grandfather built it when my grandparents came to stay with us when i was ten years old. it was actually pretty cool. it had a front door that was "locked" from the inside by a string tied to a nail. it had two windows that were hinged at the top and were held open by metal wires looped around nails on the outside.
the really nice touch to the thing was that my grandparents brought a hammock from the philippines and hung it up inside the clubhouse. i went out there one afternoon and opened the door and windows to let in the nice breeze. i lay down in the hammock for the first time and i remember the ropes digging into my back. i always imagined a hammock to be a really comfortable thing but it wasn't. not at first anyway. i kept laying in it, staring up at the ceiling, feeling the cool breeze and the warm sun. i let my eyes close and shortly fell asleep. when i woke up, the sun had almost set.
i tried to sleep in that hammock another time but i never could. there was something nice about that afternoon that i could never find again. a few years went by and my sister and i outgrew it so it became a storage shed.
i once bought a hammock for a friend as a gift. we never set it up though. i'm not sure what happened to it. i was kinda looking forward to falling asleep in a hammock again but i didn't get the chance. that afternoon in my backyard was the first and only time.
oil change
como estas mi amores! my apologies. i'm a little more inebriated than is acceptable while trying to write, so forgive me for any nonsense i might put here.
today, i got my oil changed, did some packing, so to celebrate i headed out for buffalo wild wings to get as drunk as i could while still being able to drive home. since i'm writing ths you can assume i made it home okay.
i met a dude named john at buffalo wild wings tonight. his website is www.survivordude.com. i owned him at poker tonight and took all his fake money. the bar was full, so i sat down at a table by myself and no less than five waiters/waitresses said hello to me and asked me why i wasn't sitting at the bar. i must be pretty, ugly, or leaving generous tips, but eventually, i did find a seat at the bar.
i'm excited about heading out to el paso. i bought some hiking shoes yesterday in the hopes that my friend james and i will be able to camp out in hueco tanks. i don't know how i managed to fit everything into my car when i arrived here, but i hope i'll be able to pull it off again.
anyway, maybe i'll be able to get back to a normal sleeping schedule. wish me luck.
today, i got my oil changed, did some packing, so to celebrate i headed out for buffalo wild wings to get as drunk as i could while still being able to drive home. since i'm writing ths you can assume i made it home okay.
i met a dude named john at buffalo wild wings tonight. his website is www.survivordude.com. i owned him at poker tonight and took all his fake money. the bar was full, so i sat down at a table by myself and no less than five waiters/waitresses said hello to me and asked me why i wasn't sitting at the bar. i must be pretty, ugly, or leaving generous tips, but eventually, i did find a seat at the bar.
i'm excited about heading out to el paso. i bought some hiking shoes yesterday in the hopes that my friend james and i will be able to camp out in hueco tanks. i don't know how i managed to fit everything into my car when i arrived here, but i hope i'll be able to pull it off again.
anyway, maybe i'll be able to get back to a normal sleeping schedule. wish me luck.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
auto parts
is it midnight already? i took some time today getting my car ready for the long trip out of here. my drive to the auto shop took me up some hills in a part of town i hadn't seen before. i think i found the suburbs.
one of the nice things about houston is that it's flat so that it's not so obvious how ugly the suburbs look. i was driving this afternoon with the setting sun low in the sky, looking out at these beautiful rolling hills blighted by a claustrophobic carpet of identical two story houses and scarred by pitiful looking backyard fences. at least in houston, only the street is ugly, not the whole view to the horizon.
i got a call from my recruiter this afternoon telling me he might have another job for me in colorado. i told him i was already getting ready to head home and that my lease was ending. i've had enough of this state for the rest of the year.
there's no place like home.
one of the nice things about houston is that it's flat so that it's not so obvious how ugly the suburbs look. i was driving this afternoon with the setting sun low in the sky, looking out at these beautiful rolling hills blighted by a claustrophobic carpet of identical two story houses and scarred by pitiful looking backyard fences. at least in houston, only the street is ugly, not the whole view to the horizon.
i got a call from my recruiter this afternoon telling me he might have another job for me in colorado. i told him i was already getting ready to head home and that my lease was ending. i've had enough of this state for the rest of the year.
there's no place like home.
Monday, February 2, 2009
rabdargab
i'm feeling awfully old and serious today. i was having coffee and reading this afternoon and started thinking about the two old regulars who are always there. they spend their afternoons drinking coffee, reading the newspaper, and i started to contemplate what i might be doing in thirty or forty years from now. will i still be wondering what i'm supposed to do with myself? will i be broken and cynical? or will i be wise enough to know that spending your afternoon having coffee and reading is one of the most pleasurable things an old man can do?
i was talking with a friend earlier tonight and he asked, "what's the point of life?" i conjured up an image of a senile old man throwing water balloons at children and thought that'd be a pretty fun person to aspire to be in life. i don't know why i should wait until i'm senile to throw water balloons at strangers. maybe i ought to get a headstart.
in the meantime, i'm still trying to figure out what's next. there's not much of a map of life after school. or i should say the map that says, "have a career, a house, and a family," looks pretty unappealing for right now. what can i do instead?
i was talking to another friend tonight and she had an excellent suggestion: read the autobiographies of people you admire. she was having the same thoughts as me and reading about what other people did helped her to think about what she wanted to do herself. great idea. more material for the coffee shop.
i was talking with a friend earlier tonight and he asked, "what's the point of life?" i conjured up an image of a senile old man throwing water balloons at children and thought that'd be a pretty fun person to aspire to be in life. i don't know why i should wait until i'm senile to throw water balloons at strangers. maybe i ought to get a headstart.
in the meantime, i'm still trying to figure out what's next. there's not much of a map of life after school. or i should say the map that says, "have a career, a house, and a family," looks pretty unappealing for right now. what can i do instead?
i was talking to another friend tonight and she had an excellent suggestion: read the autobiographies of people you admire. she was having the same thoughts as me and reading about what other people did helped her to think about what she wanted to do herself. great idea. more material for the coffee shop.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
free parking
okay, so after watching more macgyver episodes in the last few days than i should admit to, i started thinking about what odd situations i've been in that i had to find creative solutions for.
one time i had to break into a parking lot to get a car. whose car? my friend's car. why did i have to break into a parking lot to get it? we were in fremont and parked the car at a 24 hour fitness before getting on the BART into san francisco. when we came back that night, we found that the parking lot had been emptied except for two cars, one of them being ours. why was the parking lot empty? because a construction crew had put up a chain link fence around it with the intention of resurfacing the parking lot the next day. there was a sign on the chain link fence warning people to get their cars out by midnight or they would be towed. we came at 3 am. well, they hadn't towed the car, but we still had the problem of getting to it.
i didn't want to call the construction company because it would probably just bring the tow truck driver and a $200 fee for getting the car back. we walked around the whole fence looking for a break in the links but found none. after walking the whole perimeter, we returned to what should have been the entrance and i happened to notice that at that segment in the fence, there was a part missing. all the other segments had these rectangle feet that served to hold up that particular section. at this segment, that foot was missing. i took a closer look and saw there was a metal piece, shaped like a figure eight, that connected the two segments together. i gave it a little yank and it moved! if i pulled it all the way off, i could open the segment like a door and we could drive our car out.
now that we had a way in, we had to have a quick plan. we'd probaby have a hard time explaining to a police officer why we were disassembling a fence on private property. the plan was this: i would open the fence while my friend quickly went in, started the car and drove it back to me. i would open the fence all the way while she drove it out, then i would close the fence back up, put the figure eight piece back, get in the car, and nobody would know we opened it up. sounds good right? we got as far as opening the fence and her driving out, but not before the security guard for the 24 hour fitness came by and saw i was waiting by the fence to close it up again. i didn't have to explain anything, he guessed pretty quickly that we had parked there for the BART and gotten stuck. he was pretty understanding and said just as long as we closed it back up, he didn't have a problem. so, out she came, i closed up the fence, and we went home.
i know, i didn't make any batteries or explosives or lockpicks, but i'm still satisfied at cheating the towing company out of $200. we cheated BART too. why did we park at 24 hour fitness in the first place? we didn't want to pay $1 for parking at the train station.
one time i had to break into a parking lot to get a car. whose car? my friend's car. why did i have to break into a parking lot to get it? we were in fremont and parked the car at a 24 hour fitness before getting on the BART into san francisco. when we came back that night, we found that the parking lot had been emptied except for two cars, one of them being ours. why was the parking lot empty? because a construction crew had put up a chain link fence around it with the intention of resurfacing the parking lot the next day. there was a sign on the chain link fence warning people to get their cars out by midnight or they would be towed. we came at 3 am. well, they hadn't towed the car, but we still had the problem of getting to it.
i didn't want to call the construction company because it would probably just bring the tow truck driver and a $200 fee for getting the car back. we walked around the whole fence looking for a break in the links but found none. after walking the whole perimeter, we returned to what should have been the entrance and i happened to notice that at that segment in the fence, there was a part missing. all the other segments had these rectangle feet that served to hold up that particular section. at this segment, that foot was missing. i took a closer look and saw there was a metal piece, shaped like a figure eight, that connected the two segments together. i gave it a little yank and it moved! if i pulled it all the way off, i could open the segment like a door and we could drive our car out.
now that we had a way in, we had to have a quick plan. we'd probaby have a hard time explaining to a police officer why we were disassembling a fence on private property. the plan was this: i would open the fence while my friend quickly went in, started the car and drove it back to me. i would open the fence all the way while she drove it out, then i would close the fence back up, put the figure eight piece back, get in the car, and nobody would know we opened it up. sounds good right? we got as far as opening the fence and her driving out, but not before the security guard for the 24 hour fitness came by and saw i was waiting by the fence to close it up again. i didn't have to explain anything, he guessed pretty quickly that we had parked there for the BART and gotten stuck. he was pretty understanding and said just as long as we closed it back up, he didn't have a problem. so, out she came, i closed up the fence, and we went home.
i know, i didn't make any batteries or explosives or lockpicks, but i'm still satisfied at cheating the towing company out of $200. we cheated BART too. why did we park at 24 hour fitness in the first place? we didn't want to pay $1 for parking at the train station.
cleanup
having resolved to head home next week has put me in a good mood today. i didn't do any packing, but i did do some cleanup around the apartment. the next major thing i have to take care of is to get my car ready for the drive back. 1000 miles, give or take a few hundred depending on which way i go, but at least i'm in no hurry to get there. i'm planning on paying a visit to my friend james in el paso for a few days before i get back to houston. i'll have to remember to get a car wash so i'll be less likely to get hasseled by the border patrol again.
this week went by quick once i stopped trying to pack so much into each day. maybe i'm starting to get the hang of this.
this week went by quick once i stopped trying to pack so much into each day. maybe i'm starting to get the hang of this.
Friday, January 30, 2009
cabin fever
it just occurred to me that i should start packing up. i'm getting more impatient to go home these days. i had the idea that i might stick around and see what there is here but i haven't been all that motivated to go anywhere. i think i'm quite satisfied and i won't feel any regret if i leave next week. i think the lesson i learned is that if i ever do this again, i should go explore and have fun as i'm doing my job instead of waiting for the end because i'll just be tired and want to head home at that point.
i've been getting a number of calls this week from friends and family wondering when i'm heading back. it's kind of nice for people to remember i'm not there. i guess i've always had this odd thought that i was invisible, that if i didn't say a word or regularly appear, people would cease to remember that i ever existed. i remember as a kid when my parents came to check if i was asleep, i would pretend to be sleeping, but then open my eyes a little to see if they were still there. somehow i thought that they wouldn't be able to tell that my eyes were open. but of course people notice you and remember you or ignore you and forget you regardless of what you think.
i've been getting a number of calls this week from friends and family wondering when i'm heading back. it's kind of nice for people to remember i'm not there. i guess i've always had this odd thought that i was invisible, that if i didn't say a word or regularly appear, people would cease to remember that i ever existed. i remember as a kid when my parents came to check if i was asleep, i would pretend to be sleeping, but then open my eyes a little to see if they were still there. somehow i thought that they wouldn't be able to tell that my eyes were open. but of course people notice you and remember you or ignore you and forget you regardless of what you think.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
maniac magee
last night i was laying on the floor and trying very hard to figure out where this faint rumbling sound was coming from. it wasn't the air conditioner. there isn't an air conditioner here. it wasn't the refrigerator. i already knew what that sounds like. it wasn't the space heater or the dripping in my bathroom. it wasn't coming from the place next door because it's been vacant all month.
after five or ten minutes of laying absolutely still and concentrating on this sound, i wasn't any closer to figuring it out until i heard a train whistle. it must have been a train passing by. i have no evidence but that's the only way i can explain why it had the same sound for such a long time. the closest train tracks to me must be more than a mile away. they run next to the freeway. in between here and there is a university, a park, and maybe ten blocks of neighborhood streets with large two story houses or churches.
it's kind of amazing how a sound that can travel so far is so ignorable and undetectable until you sit and concentrate on it for a few minutes. even then, i needed the hint of a train whistle. airplanes are the same way too. i was in utah a few years ago at arches national park and i remember the blue sky filled with vapor trail crossings. i remember hearing five or six planes in one afternoon and watching each of them add their mark to what should have been undisturbed sky. in cities, i guess this sort of thing is part of our aural vocabulary and is undetectable or otherwise unremarkable, but was inescapable being out in a national park. i imagine if i were a fish in the middle of the ocean with no shores for waves to break on, the passing of oil tankers and cargo ships would be even more invasive unless fish have the same ability to filter things as background noise that we do.
i was reading my book this afternoon at a coffee shop and two different women walked past me wearing heeled shoes. the earth moved as they walked past me in those shoes. i felt the sky tumbling down... just kidding. they were tall but they couldn't have weighed much more than me and i don't make the ground shake when i walk. i'm actually pretty careful when i walk. i don't like the sound of shoes scraping on the sidewalk. i try to walk so that the only sound is a little creak from where my shoes bend. i wonder if there's a quiet graceful way to walk in heels or if the point is to stamp the ground and attract attention. i guess men's dress shoes are the same way. i've never found a quiet graceful way to walk in those. i imagine women's heels must be much harder. three cheers for tennis shoes.
after five or ten minutes of laying absolutely still and concentrating on this sound, i wasn't any closer to figuring it out until i heard a train whistle. it must have been a train passing by. i have no evidence but that's the only way i can explain why it had the same sound for such a long time. the closest train tracks to me must be more than a mile away. they run next to the freeway. in between here and there is a university, a park, and maybe ten blocks of neighborhood streets with large two story houses or churches.
it's kind of amazing how a sound that can travel so far is so ignorable and undetectable until you sit and concentrate on it for a few minutes. even then, i needed the hint of a train whistle. airplanes are the same way too. i was in utah a few years ago at arches national park and i remember the blue sky filled with vapor trail crossings. i remember hearing five or six planes in one afternoon and watching each of them add their mark to what should have been undisturbed sky. in cities, i guess this sort of thing is part of our aural vocabulary and is undetectable or otherwise unremarkable, but was inescapable being out in a national park. i imagine if i were a fish in the middle of the ocean with no shores for waves to break on, the passing of oil tankers and cargo ships would be even more invasive unless fish have the same ability to filter things as background noise that we do.
i was reading my book this afternoon at a coffee shop and two different women walked past me wearing heeled shoes. the earth moved as they walked past me in those shoes. i felt the sky tumbling down... just kidding. they were tall but they couldn't have weighed much more than me and i don't make the ground shake when i walk. i'm actually pretty careful when i walk. i don't like the sound of shoes scraping on the sidewalk. i try to walk so that the only sound is a little creak from where my shoes bend. i wonder if there's a quiet graceful way to walk in heels or if the point is to stamp the ground and attract attention. i guess men's dress shoes are the same way. i've never found a quiet graceful way to walk in those. i imagine women's heels must be much harder. three cheers for tennis shoes.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
oh heathcliff
it only took a week of unemployment for my sleeping pattern to get screwed up. i've shifted three hours ahead so that i wake at noon and sleep around three in the morning. afternoon coffee is probably not helping.
i'm on to chapter five of orlando and she has just emerged into the nineteenth century some three hundred years from when she was a he and said "hey man, take a walk on the wild side". i like how the century is introduced as being pervasively damp. a poke at dickens or emily bronte maybe? it's been years since i read either of them but this cloudy damp gloomy image of england certainly reminds me of them. and now i'm laughing a little when i think of monty python's semaphore version of wuthering heights.
today was certainly not damp or gloomy. instead it was cold but sunny. while i was waiting for my laundry, i walked over to the deli next door and tried as gracefully as possible to eat a cheeseburger and read my book at the same time. to further complicate things, i went to sit at a counter next to some guy on this laptop and nearly fell out of the chair as i was moving it. the combination of counter and stools at the deli is terrible. sitting on the stool, the counter has about two inches of clearance above your lap so that your food is barely above your navel. trying to rest my elbows on the counter while eating or holding up my book proved terribly awkward and setting the book on the counter put it too far away to read comfortably. so, the counter did nothing but hold the plate. i had to hold my book in the air as well as my cheeseburger.
i'm on to chapter five of orlando and she has just emerged into the nineteenth century some three hundred years from when she was a he and said "hey man, take a walk on the wild side". i like how the century is introduced as being pervasively damp. a poke at dickens or emily bronte maybe? it's been years since i read either of them but this cloudy damp gloomy image of england certainly reminds me of them. and now i'm laughing a little when i think of monty python's semaphore version of wuthering heights.
today was certainly not damp or gloomy. instead it was cold but sunny. while i was waiting for my laundry, i walked over to the deli next door and tried as gracefully as possible to eat a cheeseburger and read my book at the same time. to further complicate things, i went to sit at a counter next to some guy on this laptop and nearly fell out of the chair as i was moving it. the combination of counter and stools at the deli is terrible. sitting on the stool, the counter has about two inches of clearance above your lap so that your food is barely above your navel. trying to rest my elbows on the counter while eating or holding up my book proved terribly awkward and setting the book on the counter put it too far away to read comfortably. so, the counter did nothing but hold the plate. i had to hold my book in the air as well as my cheeseburger.
Monday, January 26, 2009
sitting still
it's been incredibly cold today. i had my afternoon coffee and instead of reading or writing or working on anything, i stared out the window for an hour or so and watched the snow fall. the last few times i've gone out i made it a point to just sit and relax. it seems a majority of people, myself included, show up at a coffee house with laptops, books, iphones, ipods, or pen and paper with the intention of getting some work done. i thought it would be nice to just have coffee and stretch out on a chair.
i know cigarettes are unfashionable these days, but the good comment i can make is that you never see anyone take a smoke break and carry out their laptop or bring out a textbook. iphones maybe. cellphones usually. but my point is that nobody goes out to have a cigarette with the intention of getting work done. why is it that i go out for coffee and tea and feel like i have to be occupied with work? the other good point about cigarettes is that people are usually generous and strangers will bum you a smoke or a light but no stranger will share their latte with you.
when i was a student at UH, i had the occasional habit to smoke a cigarette with my classmate to take a break from studying electromagnetic fields or whatever class we had at the time. yes, cigarettes are bad for you, but three or four minutes of smoking followed by ten minutes of fresh air and sunshine can't be all that bad, especially if you're studying in an asbestos-ridden old engineering building. before i started joining him, my break was to stand up, stretch, and read something else. not much of a break for the eyes. at my last job, our breakroom was full of magazines and newspapers that i would read. why do we always have to stuff something into our heads? towards the end of my contract, i started going out to the porch and just staring at the mountain. just for five or ten minutes. i never saw anyone else out there except people who came out to have a cigarette.
on my last day, i sat out there with my colleague for an hour. when we went out, he was afraid we were going to be locked out. he'd been there six months and never bothered to go out that door.
i know cigarettes are unfashionable these days, but the good comment i can make is that you never see anyone take a smoke break and carry out their laptop or bring out a textbook. iphones maybe. cellphones usually. but my point is that nobody goes out to have a cigarette with the intention of getting work done. why is it that i go out for coffee and tea and feel like i have to be occupied with work? the other good point about cigarettes is that people are usually generous and strangers will bum you a smoke or a light but no stranger will share their latte with you.
when i was a student at UH, i had the occasional habit to smoke a cigarette with my classmate to take a break from studying electromagnetic fields or whatever class we had at the time. yes, cigarettes are bad for you, but three or four minutes of smoking followed by ten minutes of fresh air and sunshine can't be all that bad, especially if you're studying in an asbestos-ridden old engineering building. before i started joining him, my break was to stand up, stretch, and read something else. not much of a break for the eyes. at my last job, our breakroom was full of magazines and newspapers that i would read. why do we always have to stuff something into our heads? towards the end of my contract, i started going out to the porch and just staring at the mountain. just for five or ten minutes. i never saw anyone else out there except people who came out to have a cigarette.
on my last day, i sat out there with my colleague for an hour. when we went out, he was afraid we were going to be locked out. he'd been there six months and never bothered to go out that door.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
the truth is out there
yesterday i spent a couple hours having some more fun with sound. after having a drink of water in the kitchen, i was putting the bottle away when i clumsily banged it against the metal rack. it made a loud ruckus followed by a hollow vibration which echoed throughout the refrigerator. i thought "what a wonderful sound" and brought over my laptop to record it. i think i overdid the banging the second time because it redlined the volume meter as i recorded it. after some playing around, i got it to sound something like an explosion.
my refrigerator makes all sorts of interesting noises. the other night when i couldn't sleep, i heard the motor turn on and recorded that with my laptop as well. it was a bit faint, but it served as some good ambient noise in a clip i worked on yesterday. i started with this pulsing drone sound i got out of a synthesizer and adding in the refrigerator underneath it gave it a little more life. i took a clip of mulder and scully and spent an hour or so reprocessing it. i took the background music out, which left them sounding like they were talking in a glass bottle, and then eq'd and filtered it to put some life back into it. in the end i had a clip starting with an explosion, then some echoing dripping (a gift from the bathroom faucet) with some pulsing background droning, and scully calling mulder crazy.
i've been looking for full length x-files episodes on you tube but no luck. it's just you and me macgyver.
my refrigerator makes all sorts of interesting noises. the other night when i couldn't sleep, i heard the motor turn on and recorded that with my laptop as well. it was a bit faint, but it served as some good ambient noise in a clip i worked on yesterday. i started with this pulsing drone sound i got out of a synthesizer and adding in the refrigerator underneath it gave it a little more life. i took a clip of mulder and scully and spent an hour or so reprocessing it. i took the background music out, which left them sounding like they were talking in a glass bottle, and then eq'd and filtered it to put some life back into it. in the end i had a clip starting with an explosion, then some echoing dripping (a gift from the bathroom faucet) with some pulsing background droning, and scully calling mulder crazy.
i've been looking for full length x-files episodes on you tube but no luck. it's just you and me macgyver.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
do you hear that?
what sound does the earth make as it turns? is it a rumble too deep to hear and too light to feel? or is it a gentle whisper mistaken for white noise? i read the first question in a book yesterday and it presented itself to me last night while waiting for sleep to come.
as i sit here, i'm bombarded with a symphony of odd noises that are deafening when trying to sleep. the creaking of the space heater in front of me. the motor of the refrigerator. the dripping of the shower head onto my curtain. the passing of a truck a block away. the settling of the lid on the toilet. how can one sleep, let alone think, read, or hear the earth turning amidst so much?
the reason i go out and sit in coffee shops every afternoon is because with all the noise there, it takes a certain amount of effort to isolate each one and fixate on it, so in the end it all washes out and allows me to focus on something else. i suppose that's why they play music in grocery stores. maybe the sound of carts squeaking and footsteps pacing was driving the cashiers nuts. i've walked into bookstores without any music playing and it sounds like you've walked into a church and every shuffle reverberates even though the floors are carpeted. do they still play music in grocery stores? i'll have to listen next time. the last time the thought occurred to me, i was being taught about the ethics of putting in subliminal advertising into the in-store play.
what about the voice in your head as you think to yourself? has it always sounded the same? did the voice in my head get deeper as i grew older? is the only way to think to yourself by speaking? do others see sentences instead, like a novel or newspaper, or pictures even? i read an essay by richard feynman some years ago and he recounted a story about how he could count to himself and accurately tell when a minute had gone by as long as he didn't talk out loud. he would run up stairs, read a newspaper, but he couldn't talk. his friend was just the opposite. his friend could talk and tell when a minute had gone by, but he couldn't read. it turns out feynman was mentally speaking to himself as he counted one to sixty while his friend was watching a series of numbers slide by as he was talking. as long as the activity didn't interfere with their method of counting, they could tell a minute had gone by.
i used to play drums and i'm not sure how i kept time. maybe my bandmates might say i didn't, hahaha. seriously though, at moments in songs where we'd all stop playing and then come in at the same time without anyone taking the role of conductor, it's amazing it ever happened. i think the pre-performance drinks put us all on the same wavelength.
as i sit here, i'm bombarded with a symphony of odd noises that are deafening when trying to sleep. the creaking of the space heater in front of me. the motor of the refrigerator. the dripping of the shower head onto my curtain. the passing of a truck a block away. the settling of the lid on the toilet. how can one sleep, let alone think, read, or hear the earth turning amidst so much?
the reason i go out and sit in coffee shops every afternoon is because with all the noise there, it takes a certain amount of effort to isolate each one and fixate on it, so in the end it all washes out and allows me to focus on something else. i suppose that's why they play music in grocery stores. maybe the sound of carts squeaking and footsteps pacing was driving the cashiers nuts. i've walked into bookstores without any music playing and it sounds like you've walked into a church and every shuffle reverberates even though the floors are carpeted. do they still play music in grocery stores? i'll have to listen next time. the last time the thought occurred to me, i was being taught about the ethics of putting in subliminal advertising into the in-store play.
what about the voice in your head as you think to yourself? has it always sounded the same? did the voice in my head get deeper as i grew older? is the only way to think to yourself by speaking? do others see sentences instead, like a novel or newspaper, or pictures even? i read an essay by richard feynman some years ago and he recounted a story about how he could count to himself and accurately tell when a minute had gone by as long as he didn't talk out loud. he would run up stairs, read a newspaper, but he couldn't talk. his friend was just the opposite. his friend could talk and tell when a minute had gone by, but he couldn't read. it turns out feynman was mentally speaking to himself as he counted one to sixty while his friend was watching a series of numbers slide by as he was talking. as long as the activity didn't interfere with their method of counting, they could tell a minute had gone by.
i used to play drums and i'm not sure how i kept time. maybe my bandmates might say i didn't, hahaha. seriously though, at moments in songs where we'd all stop playing and then come in at the same time without anyone taking the role of conductor, it's amazing it ever happened. i think the pre-performance drinks put us all on the same wavelength.
Friday, January 23, 2009
you're movin way too fast
i've been missing a lot of sleep for someone who doesn't have to work anymore. i was up until 4am last night and only managed five hours of sleep until the sunlight coming in through my windows woke me.
i sort of feel like i've rushed through the last three days so that i've packed a week's worth of leisure time in without getting a week's worth of sleep. now i'm wondering why i thought i'd need three weeks to hang around up here after my job ended. i think i'm still figuring out how to transition out of a frantic pace and into something more sustainable.
a friend of mine once bought me a book called "slowing down to the pace of life". she had the right idea, but i didn't read more than a few pages into it, such was my appetite for constant engagement. i'd like to revisit it when i get home.
i sort of feel like i've rushed through the last three days so that i've packed a week's worth of leisure time in without getting a week's worth of sleep. now i'm wondering why i thought i'd need three weeks to hang around up here after my job ended. i think i'm still figuring out how to transition out of a frantic pace and into something more sustainable.
a friend of mine once bought me a book called "slowing down to the pace of life". she had the right idea, but i didn't read more than a few pages into it, such was my appetite for constant engagement. i'd like to revisit it when i get home.
progress report
so how am i doing on the second day of my unemployment? not too bad. i'm happy to say i didn't watch a single macgyver episode today. i got up before noon and went swimming for the first time in a few weeks. i sort of miss my old apartment in houston. it had a small pool pretty much at my doorstep and last summer i used to swim three or four times a week. the nice thing was that i usually had it to myself and i could shower in my own bath instead of a public one.
after swimming, i sat in another coffee shop this afternoon to work on some beats i started on last night. i was up late last night and stumbled on the magic settings to get things sounding like they have some dimension instead of being so flat. before that, my beats had the presence of a soundtrack from a sega genesis game with everything front and center. i added the clip i did the other day of some dripping water and some dissonant notes which added even more space. this was another happy accident. i was just intending on figuring out how to make an audio clip breathe in time to some beats and i used that clip because i had it lying around and it happened to fit really nicely.
tomorrow i think i'll take it easy and do my reading while i do some laundry. i wonder if anyone would think it was weird if i started showing up in the laundromat just to read. one coffee or tea a day has suddenly become expensive. besides, they usually have some national geographic magazines to flip through. really, i just like to take a walk, get out of my place, sit in a chair, and have some ambient noise around me while i read. the park might be another good idea but there always seems to be some idiot on a thunderous motorcycle driving by at 20mph or worse, making all that noise while stopped at a red light.
after swimming, i sat in another coffee shop this afternoon to work on some beats i started on last night. i was up late last night and stumbled on the magic settings to get things sounding like they have some dimension instead of being so flat. before that, my beats had the presence of a soundtrack from a sega genesis game with everything front and center. i added the clip i did the other day of some dripping water and some dissonant notes which added even more space. this was another happy accident. i was just intending on figuring out how to make an audio clip breathe in time to some beats and i used that clip because i had it lying around and it happened to fit really nicely.
tomorrow i think i'll take it easy and do my reading while i do some laundry. i wonder if anyone would think it was weird if i started showing up in the laundromat just to read. one coffee or tea a day has suddenly become expensive. besides, they usually have some national geographic magazines to flip through. really, i just like to take a walk, get out of my place, sit in a chair, and have some ambient noise around me while i read. the park might be another good idea but there always seems to be some idiot on a thunderous motorcycle driving by at 20mph or worse, making all that noise while stopped at a red light.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
with the radio on
i took another walk this afternoon to have some tea and read a book. walking out every day is nice exercise and it gets me away from the computer. having discovered macgyver on you tube, i might as well have gone out and bought a tv because i'll find myself watching two or three episodes in a row which amounts to two or three hours of being a floor potato, an even more pitiful cousin of the couch potato. shame on me.
i came home after having some dinner but it was still early and i didn't want to waste any more time on the internet, so i went out driving around. i actually found a way to drive for about an hour and not leave the town. it turns out colorado springs grows east and west instead of north and south along the freeway. i took turns down roads i didn't know and really lost my sense of direction until i found some streets i recognized and found my way back home.
driving around at night and listening to music while getting lost is an old habit of mine. my mom told me that when i was a little kid and i couldn't sleep, she'd take me out driving, put on some country music, and i'd be out like a light. i haven't kept the country music part, but i find it very relaxing to just wander and have a cd on. i wonder if in a previous life i was a gypsy who lived out of a wagon and played the violin by the campfire before going to bed.
i came home after having some dinner but it was still early and i didn't want to waste any more time on the internet, so i went out driving around. i actually found a way to drive for about an hour and not leave the town. it turns out colorado springs grows east and west instead of north and south along the freeway. i took turns down roads i didn't know and really lost my sense of direction until i found some streets i recognized and found my way back home.
driving around at night and listening to music while getting lost is an old habit of mine. my mom told me that when i was a little kid and i couldn't sleep, she'd take me out driving, put on some country music, and i'd be out like a light. i haven't kept the country music part, but i find it very relaxing to just wander and have a cd on. i wonder if in a previous life i was a gypsy who lived out of a wagon and played the violin by the campfire before going to bed.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
the princess is in another castle
i made it! today was the last day of my contract and for having done absolutely nothing that's worthy of being paid money for, i've had a really long day. my day started by showing up about half an hour late to work and then chatting with my colleague until almost lunch time. having fulfilled our deadline last week, there wasn't much for either of us to do and the two people who work there full time were out of the office today. as they say, when the cat is away, the mice will play.
following about thirty minutes of writing last emails, faxing in my timesheets, and reading about obama's inauguration, my colleague and i set out for lunch at buffalo wild wings for $0.40 wings. we sat there for another hour and a half making fun of the inauguration ceremonies like all good cynical smart asses should and then headed back to work. is it me or does the presidential limo look like an awfully slow, long, diesel powered substitute for the batmobile? sorry, i was one of those who'd show up at high school pep rallys and make fun of football players and cheerleaders with the potheads.
it seems everyone else thought my last day was supposed to be the end of the month. according to the papers i signed, the contract was to start on 10/20/08 for a duration of 3 months, which by my understanding means that today was the last day. in any case, i walked out of work today with nothing but a big smile on my face. no papers, no notes, not even any stolen office supplies.
after getting home, i took a walk downtown to have some tea and write a little bit. then, i stopped into a restaurant i've been meaning to check out and had an overpriced slice of pizza. i think i can safely say that the only two cities in the US worth buying pizza by the slice are new york and chicago. next, i went down to the bookstore to pick up virgina woolf's "orlando" as part of the new writing project i have with my friend i-shuan. it's something like a book club except we're going to write an essay before we have our discussion. i think it will be really interesting to compare notes. it will be like an east meets west sort of thing that i expect to be fun and enlightening.
after doing some somewhat intelligent activities this afternoon, i went back to buffalo wild wings to get a little stupid and celebrate my new unemployment. i met josh up there again and some new friends named keith and shawn (with a "w"). i don't know keith's story, but shawn is an ex-army guy who's been in korea, texas, taiwan, iraq, and somehow ended up in this one horse town because of a girlfriend he eventually broke up with. honestly, i don't think i've met anyone originally from this place. they all seem to have made some sort of compromise to end up here.
having met so many nice people while drinking, i've been invited to new year's in denver, skiing in breckenridge, and a birthday party for some guy i don't know. i skipped out on new year's, but i think i'm going to take up the other two offers. after all, everyone i've met so far is new here and just trying to meet friends, so why be so anti-social?
following about thirty minutes of writing last emails, faxing in my timesheets, and reading about obama's inauguration, my colleague and i set out for lunch at buffalo wild wings for $0.40 wings. we sat there for another hour and a half making fun of the inauguration ceremonies like all good cynical smart asses should and then headed back to work. is it me or does the presidential limo look like an awfully slow, long, diesel powered substitute for the batmobile? sorry, i was one of those who'd show up at high school pep rallys and make fun of football players and cheerleaders with the potheads.
it seems everyone else thought my last day was supposed to be the end of the month. according to the papers i signed, the contract was to start on 10/20/08 for a duration of 3 months, which by my understanding means that today was the last day. in any case, i walked out of work today with nothing but a big smile on my face. no papers, no notes, not even any stolen office supplies.
after getting home, i took a walk downtown to have some tea and write a little bit. then, i stopped into a restaurant i've been meaning to check out and had an overpriced slice of pizza. i think i can safely say that the only two cities in the US worth buying pizza by the slice are new york and chicago. next, i went down to the bookstore to pick up virgina woolf's "orlando" as part of the new writing project i have with my friend i-shuan. it's something like a book club except we're going to write an essay before we have our discussion. i think it will be really interesting to compare notes. it will be like an east meets west sort of thing that i expect to be fun and enlightening.
after doing some somewhat intelligent activities this afternoon, i went back to buffalo wild wings to get a little stupid and celebrate my new unemployment. i met josh up there again and some new friends named keith and shawn (with a "w"). i don't know keith's story, but shawn is an ex-army guy who's been in korea, texas, taiwan, iraq, and somehow ended up in this one horse town because of a girlfriend he eventually broke up with. honestly, i don't think i've met anyone originally from this place. they all seem to have made some sort of compromise to end up here.
having met so many nice people while drinking, i've been invited to new year's in denver, skiing in breckenridge, and a birthday party for some guy i don't know. i skipped out on new year's, but i think i'm going to take up the other two offers. after all, everyone i've met so far is new here and just trying to meet friends, so why be so anti-social?
Monday, January 19, 2009
review
i love three day weekends. there is something so enjoyable about being out during business hours on a weekday. after tomorrow, i can be out during business hours every day! i hope i can learn how to enjoy it without becoming bored too quickly. i've always had to be occupied with something or i would start thinking too much. i'd like to try to just enjoy some time off without having to have plans or goals for it.
today i had some coffee and went over my journal entries. i started keeping a journal when i first got here so that i could keep track of all that happened while working away from home. it took me a while, but i read all my entries for november. it's kind of amazing to see how i progressed from excitement to anxiety and frustration, in overall terms, and sometimes from day to day. the first two weeks of november, i was in pretty good spirits, but as my birthday approached, i started writing more and more about how i didn't want to work, how i didn't know what i was doing, all of the usual stuff that seems to incapacitate me this time of year. this culminated in alternating days of hope and anxiety for the last week of november. i didn't even make it into my december entries, but it was kind of a wreck as i remember. actually, i didn't start to come out of it until i started writing this.
having read those entries, it's kind of nice to know that, despite feeling pretty bad some of those days, i'm still here and in good shape more or less. not only that, it's nice to know that i had some pretty good moments in the midst of all my worrying and that i had the support of my friends throughout. i wrote a good entry about how my old bandmates called and sang happy birthday to me even though it was on the wrong day. they were crushed when i told them, but they called again the following week.
i think if i had not kept track, it would be easy to only remember those weeks as a gradual descent instead of seeing that it was really more like the random walk of a drunk who eventually finds his way home.
today i had some coffee and went over my journal entries. i started keeping a journal when i first got here so that i could keep track of all that happened while working away from home. it took me a while, but i read all my entries for november. it's kind of amazing to see how i progressed from excitement to anxiety and frustration, in overall terms, and sometimes from day to day. the first two weeks of november, i was in pretty good spirits, but as my birthday approached, i started writing more and more about how i didn't want to work, how i didn't know what i was doing, all of the usual stuff that seems to incapacitate me this time of year. this culminated in alternating days of hope and anxiety for the last week of november. i didn't even make it into my december entries, but it was kind of a wreck as i remember. actually, i didn't start to come out of it until i started writing this.
having read those entries, it's kind of nice to know that, despite feeling pretty bad some of those days, i'm still here and in good shape more or less. not only that, it's nice to know that i had some pretty good moments in the midst of all my worrying and that i had the support of my friends throughout. i wrote a good entry about how my old bandmates called and sang happy birthday to me even though it was on the wrong day. they were crushed when i told them, but they called again the following week.
i think if i had not kept track, it would be easy to only remember those weeks as a gradual descent instead of seeing that it was really more like the random walk of a drunk who eventually finds his way home.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
teenage mutant ninja turtles
i had a nice warm afternoon. i took a walk again and went though the college down the street from here. i actually saw people out playing frisbee and reading books on a blanket in the grass. where has everyone been the last three months?
i did some more walking in back alleys in downtown. i found a motel with an old sign on the wall:
that's comforting.
after i came home, i had some fun recording the sound of the dripping faucet in my bathroom. add a little reverb and i had it sounding like dripping echoing through a long tunnel. i turned it into something you might hear in a movie as some group of explorers are approaching something they're going to have to run away from.
i think tomorrow is a holiday at work, so really i only have one day left. then i'm finished!
i did some more walking in back alleys in downtown. i found a motel with an old sign on the wall:
that's comforting.
after i came home, i had some fun recording the sound of the dripping faucet in my bathroom. add a little reverb and i had it sounding like dripping echoing through a long tunnel. i turned it into something you might hear in a movie as some group of explorers are approaching something they're going to have to run away from.
i think tomorrow is a holiday at work, so really i only have one day left. then i'm finished!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
life is elsewhere
i went for a walk this afternoon and i actually saw people outside. recently i've even started to see houses with lights on. i suppose it's because all the houses around here are rented out to students at the college down the street. that would explain why they were all dark on new year's eve. everyone with some more interesting place to be on new year's was there leaving me with a ten block radius all to my self.
i woke up this afternoon around 1pm after staying up until 3am last night watching old macgyver episodes. that was my favorite show when i was a kid. after watching some shows last night, i'm a little embarrased. i guess people who watch television these days are a little more sophisticated than they were twenty years ago. one episode i watched had him robbing a casino where the difficult part was getting past the single security camera in front of the penthouse door. at the end of the episode, he rigged up a parachute to his car and drove it off a cargo plane in midflight. perfectly balanced and everything. i guess things are always better when you remember them. good thing nobody is following me around with a camera. i can still embellish on the daily mediocrity when i look back as an old man. as long as i don't write too many boring details about my current life in here...
i woke up this afternoon around 1pm after staying up until 3am last night watching old macgyver episodes. that was my favorite show when i was a kid. after watching some shows last night, i'm a little embarrased. i guess people who watch television these days are a little more sophisticated than they were twenty years ago. one episode i watched had him robbing a casino where the difficult part was getting past the single security camera in front of the penthouse door. at the end of the episode, he rigged up a parachute to his car and drove it off a cargo plane in midflight. perfectly balanced and everything. i guess things are always better when you remember them. good thing nobody is following me around with a camera. i can still embellish on the daily mediocrity when i look back as an old man. as long as i don't write too many boring details about my current life in here...
nerd alert
at the risk of sounding awfully nerdy, i was excited to find that cbs has posted a whole bunch of full length macgyver episodes on youtube. even more exciting: full length episodes of the charlie rose show. i watched his interview with bjork from seven years ago. who needs digital tv when you have internet?
speaking of digital tv, my colleague showed me the credit card looking $40 coupon the US government has mailed out to people to assist them in purchasing the digital decoder box so you can continue to use your analog tv.
let's have some friday night math:
105,480,101 households (2000 census) * $40 = $4.2 billion
assuming every household gets one coupon regardless of how many tv's they own and regardless of whether they have cable, satellite, or otherwise have no need for a digital decoder box.
of course these things don't come in the mail automatically. you have to fill out a form and apply for one, or two even. since there's no way to verify that you need one or not, it's possible you could apply for two coupons, wait for some time because the coupon fund has already run out of money, buy two converter boxes, return them, and earn $80 in store credit. hmmm, not a bad idea.... i wonder if walmart still has their famous return policy.
i'm not encouraging fraud. that idea really came to me just then. i'm sure somebody has already thought of a way to prevent this. in any case, don't try this at home.
i took a break from composition today and just had some fun with my synthesizer. the synthesizer i'm playing with didn't come with any preset instrument sounds. at first, i found little use for it because i didn't want to be bothered with trying to program it when i could just use something else with twenty different sounds to start with. it turns out that not having any presets is pretty liberating. i have no frame of reference for what is possible or what the thing is best at so with a little playing around, i end up with something interesting just because i wasn't headed in any particular direction with a preconceived idea.
the other really cool thing about it is that i can use the key pressure from my midi controller to change the way the synth sounds. i can play a key and wobble it around like on a violin for some interesting effects.
and for my next nerdy trick, let me write about my magic the gathering card collection... just kidding, i sold my cards years ago.
it's kind of amazing how far that game spread. when i saw my cousin in the philippines, one of his friends had a magic card out on his desk. small world.
speaking of digital tv, my colleague showed me the credit card looking $40 coupon the US government has mailed out to people to assist them in purchasing the digital decoder box so you can continue to use your analog tv.
let's have some friday night math:
105,480,101 households (2000 census) * $40 = $4.2 billion
assuming every household gets one coupon regardless of how many tv's they own and regardless of whether they have cable, satellite, or otherwise have no need for a digital decoder box.
of course these things don't come in the mail automatically. you have to fill out a form and apply for one, or two even. since there's no way to verify that you need one or not, it's possible you could apply for two coupons, wait for some time because the coupon fund has already run out of money, buy two converter boxes, return them, and earn $80 in store credit. hmmm, not a bad idea.... i wonder if walmart still has their famous return policy.
i'm not encouraging fraud. that idea really came to me just then. i'm sure somebody has already thought of a way to prevent this. in any case, don't try this at home.
i took a break from composition today and just had some fun with my synthesizer. the synthesizer i'm playing with didn't come with any preset instrument sounds. at first, i found little use for it because i didn't want to be bothered with trying to program it when i could just use something else with twenty different sounds to start with. it turns out that not having any presets is pretty liberating. i have no frame of reference for what is possible or what the thing is best at so with a little playing around, i end up with something interesting just because i wasn't headed in any particular direction with a preconceived idea.
the other really cool thing about it is that i can use the key pressure from my midi controller to change the way the synth sounds. i can play a key and wobble it around like on a violin for some interesting effects.
and for my next nerdy trick, let me write about my magic the gathering card collection... just kidding, i sold my cards years ago.
it's kind of amazing how far that game spread. when i saw my cousin in the philippines, one of his friends had a magic card out on his desk. small world.
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