first signs of anxiety

so after having committed to this big adventure back in march, i've been relatively at ease about the whole thing with most of my worries being focused on managing to survive until august without a job and having enough money to finance my studies. here i am in pretty good shape but it seems some little bit of anxiety is setting in.

i had a dream this morning where i was at a post office trying to collect my mail. the clerk was speaking to me in chinese asking me to pay some money to get my mail. i didn't understand the amount so i pulled out bills at random, looking at the clerk's reaction to figure out if i had given enough. i was trying to understand this foreign language, trying to figure out how to ask "how much does it cost?" on the spot, trying to figure out what each bill was worth (i don't remember what the currency looks like), and then trying to convert the amount in my head to usd to see if i was getting ripped off, all while feeling the eyes of the impatient people in line boring into the back of my head.

of course, there are several problems with this dream. it probably doesn't cost any money to collect mail. the clerks probably speak a little english. people waiting in line are probably very patient. i never had any trouble when handling business while i was in china and at that time i didn't understand a single word in chinese. still, i was sort of unsettled when i woke up this morning.

i spent the morning plotting out my calendar for the next half year. it turns out my visitor visa will expire midway through my first quarter at school. i've marked out visa extension deadlines, registration dates, scholarship application deadlines, health insurance deadlines.... lots of deadlines on into march of next year.

and then there's the matter of handling all my business at home before i leave. well, i'll save that topic for another day. in any case, i'll try to keep reminding myself that this is supposed to be fun.