checkup

i've spent most of the last week watching tv shows. not on tv, which spared me the mind numbing commercial breaks, but on hulu and on dvd. this is pretty much what i was doing in colorado while waiting to move out. at this moment, i'm having the same sort of questions i was having then:

am i getting stupid and numb or am i just relaxing a bit in preparation for something else?
am i forgetting something important?

it's not my usual habit to be so passively entertained so i suppose to make up for it, i'm diverting my active energy to self inspection. what have i accomplished since january? what do i want to do in taiwan? what do i want to do after taiwan? in the process of self inspection, i second guess myself from time to time, but not nearly as often as i might have done in the past. in a sense, that's some kind of accomplishment.

one thing i've accomplished during my time off from work has been becoming a decent swimmer. when i first started my regular workout, i could barely make it from one end of a pool to the other. this week i intend to swim a straight mile. that will be a pretty good milestone for me.

my main goal in taiwan is to learn how to speak and read mandarin. i'd like to be proficient to the point where i can live my daily life without having to speak or read a word of english. i would also like to learn how to write. being able to creatively and concisely express yourself in writing is the highest art of language. this one is a long-term goal. i'm not even sure what i will do with such a skill. it's just something i want to do.

and after taiwan? this one i have no clue about. i'm still reassessing my ideas about family and career and whatever is supposed to be a socially acceptable milestone along the path into middle age. i'm not convinced that anybody really figures this out, but i don't want to arrive in middle age without having tried to chart a course there. i'm out of books. i'm out of tv shows. i guess i can entertain myself with this problem for a while.