more travel notes

2/11

today we left for albuquerque. the weather the last few days was uncooperative and we were forced to wait for a better opportunity. while waiting, i spent the days reading the wall street journal and raiding james's fridge. we also did a little hiking warm up by taking a nice walk around his neighborhood in the foothills of the franklin mountains.

on the way to albuquerque we passed through white sands national monument. it was a cloudy day and late in the afternoon which made it kind of chilly. seeing white sands again was like seeing an old friend. the first time i saw it was on my first road trip out west and it's become part of the reason why i love the southwest so much.

after having a hot'n'ready pizza for dinner in james's van, we set off again. we took a dark road that passes about 50 miles north of the white sands missile range trinity site where the world's first atomic bomb was detonated. in the same area is the valley of the fires but we didn't have time or daylight to stop there. this long dark road was truly in the middle of nowhere. while white sands was cloudy, here the sky was crystal clear. without any nearby cities to bleed light into the sky, i saw the brightest stars i've ever seen in my life. you could see stars all the way to the horizon. we got out to take a longer look at the sky. i saw the milky way for the first time. it was this fuzzy collection of stars and dust that stretched from the east end of the sky to the west. truly a beautiful sight.

james is in the habit of roll starting his car to save gas. i'm not sure if this is effective but it's certainly fun. after looking at the stars, we opened the doors to the van and pushed the car until i could barely keep pace. we jumped into the car, james put it in first gear, let the clutch go, and we rocked forward a moment before the engine started.

a few hours later, we arrived in albuquerque to stay with our friends ted and natasha. we chatted a while getting caught up with each other and ate ted's delicious guacamole dip. all in all, a pretty good day.

hermann park

the weather the last few days has been beautiful. dark clouds and short bursts of rain give way to cool sunny skies for the rest of the afternoon. i set out today not knowing where i would end up. i saw a sign giving information about parking for the bayou city art festival, so i headed that way. i spent about 40 minutes in traffic without finding a parking spot, but it was such a nice day to be out that i didn't mind too much. i gave up on the art festival and headed towards the museum of fine arts. i usually don't have a problem parking there, but i found the place i normally park was full. so, i headed across the street to hermann park and eventually found some place to get out of my car. an hour and 35 miles later, i ended up sitting on the hill in front of the miller outdoor theatre, enjoying the afternoon sun and reading a book.

it might seem like a long way and a lot of trouble to find a patch of grass, but it's funny how certain places take on such significance. although this hill is nothing special in particular, there are a lot of good memories for me there. as a kid, i remember taking field trips to the museum of natural science and having a picnic lunch on this hill. after lunch, it seemed proper to roll like logs and race down the hill. indeed, i can't remember a single instance where i've been there and didn't roll down the hill or watch every kid under 10 roll down the hill.

i've had several dates there. i've sat on a bench by myself having lunch there more than once. i've been restless at night and walked around there. maybe i have a long memory, or maybe i'm lazy in finding places to visit, but this hill 35 miles away from where i live seems to be a favorite place of mine. and a favorite place for a lot of other people too.

the first days of my unemployment seemed to move so slow. one week seemed like three. these days seem to move pretty fast. i don't move fast at all, but the days do, so that two weeks pass without me noticing. it's like when i was working but without the stress. having become aware of this has made me a little restless in the last few days. i started to wonder how i let a month go by without accomplishing anything. then i started to wonder what it is that i want to accomplish. having no immediate answers, i started to feel like i'm becoming dull.

now i'm wondering if being dull is a problem, or if being dull is a step forward. maybe feeling dull is actually all the noisy thoughts in my head taking a break, making room for something new to come in. or, maybe feeling dull is actually a result of not exercising my brain and instead has made it harder to see the subtle. or maybe i'm getting carried away, hahaha. in any case, i'm starting to feel like i've had a lot of rest and that i'm ready to be a little more active. active in what i've yet to decide on.

reboot

this afternoon, i spent a ridiculous amount of time writing a program to backup my hard disk to my usb drive. on one hand, i'm too cheap to pay for backup software and on the other, i couldn't find what i wanted for free. so, i thought it'd be a good exercise to have a go at it.

several hours later, i finished it and it seems to work okay. i'm also reminded of why i don't want to work on computers anymore. i still haven't found a peaceful way to work on them. something trivial doesn't work the way it should or something crashes or some other tedious thing which has me cursing under my breath at the screen and pounding at the keyboard. add three cups of coffee daily to the mix and i'm not a pleasant person to be around. and it's not just me... one of my nicer colleagues would yell "you stupid tool!" at his monitor three times a week. another colleague would see his cursor freeze, pound the ctrl-alt-delete combo three or four times, slam the mouse onto the desk, yell "i hate this f*ing place!" (imagine something like al pacino in "heat" here), and walk out to have a cigarette.

i had a recruiter call me about a job yesterday. the position was doing the same sort of work i was doing at my first job. i was inclined to call back about it, but after today's exercise, my will to stay out of engineering for now is renewed.

on a lighter note, i was talking with my friend the other day and the topic of the moon landings came up. i told her the main problem i think might cast some doubt on it would be the guidance computer. i just spent a bunch of time looking up some stuff trying to debunk the moon landing hoax theories. a lot of the hoax theories had pretty reasonable explanations. still, what do i know? and besides, what does it matter?

just don't tell me a computer will be steering my car for me. seeing "microsoft" on the stereo in a rental car is enough to make me nervous.

a very nice spring break

these days are pretty quiet.
i'm reading and thinking a lot, but for the time being, nothing is troubling me.
i hear birds singing outside my window in the morning.
i see beautiful red azaleas in my backyard and deep blue bluebonnets on the side of the road.
i'm eating well and visiting my friends often.

just saying hi

get a job

so, i'm finally catching up a little bit with the world and ripping my cd's into itunes. it's awfully tedious, but there's a box of cd's that's been sitting in my room taking up precious space and not being listened to. at least this way, i can hear some of my collection while eventually being able to put this box away. i'm hoping this tedious work doesn't bother my computer too much.

these days, i've started to complain a bit about how expensive things are and the advice i keep getting is: get a job. i suppose being unemployed hoping for understanding from people who are working is pretty useless. i suppose hoping for understanding from people about anything is pretty useless. or maybe complaining in the first place is the useless thing.

i started reading chuang tzu yesterday. there are several stories about a huge old tree which is so twisted and knotted as to be useless for a carpenter. chuang tzu's comment is that the reason the tree is so old is because it is useless. if it were useful for making furniture or other things, it would have been cut down long ago. it would be tempting for me to reason that being unemployed and useless is best because you'll never be bothered and thus be free to live as you please, but i hardly believe i could get away with it. instead, i'd like to think this story isn't encouraging uselessness over usefulness. inaction over action. the tree didn't decide to be useless or try to live long, but it was able to see a benefit just by being itself. if it were a useless weed in a garden instead, it would be the first thing to get cut down. so, being useless in itself is not a final solution, and being yourself is no guarantee of an easy life either. maybe the point is just that you should find every advantage you can with what you already are before you look to being something else.

walking to the sounds of my favorite tune

so i broke the news to my mom earlier this week that i plan to leave the country and study chinese. as one might imagine, she wasn't too excited about it. having revealed my plan to my mom is a pretty big step. i've pretty much committed to the idea, and having realized that, i've really seen how much preparation is ahead of me. for one, i actually have to apply to school. another item i have to handle is how to get rid of my car. as much as i like my car, it doesn't make much sense to keep paying for it if i'm not here. beyond that, if i don't think too much, then everything ought to work itself out.

i spent the afternoon making a list of things i need to take care of before i head out. in addition, i paid a whole bunch of bills and paid my taxes. sad stuff. to lighten the day, i met up some friends and headed out for a beer, which turned into a pretty good night. i read some piece of advice today suggesting that even limitations should have some limitation and i took it to mean that i should splurge a bit and treat myself well today. who can hold it against me?

i've finally finished re-reading "orlando" and have started to clean up the rough draft of my essay for the writing project i have with my friend. going back, it seems i have ten thoughts for every sentence i've written. i'm not really sure if what i've written will make sense, yet i have a hard time to fill out the details. this project has been pretty good for me though. i've actually taken some time to take advantage of all the resources online to read some critical analysis of "orlando". what i've read so far has kinda given me confidence in the things that i've written, but has also given me some food for thought. it all started when i tried to search out the meaning of the wild goose orlando sees at the end of the novel. i haven't found any easy answers to that one. i suppose i'll just have to go back and dig through the novel again.

all in all, not a bad sunday, and a good start to getting back into some kind of business. hope it warms up soon. this cold damp weather is awful.

cold wet days

at the end of my third week home, days fly by. every other day is centered on swimming. in between, i usually distract myself in starbucks. $2 for a cup of coffee. $0.54 for a refill. i usually give the rest as tip, so that for $3, i have several hours, surrounded by others, yet privately mine, to reflect, to read, to write. there's something about sitting up straight, at a table, dressed in your clothes for heading out, that puts you in a state of mind to allow serious thought. i can't possibly accomplish this at home with the easy distraction of internet, the bed, and in the easy comfort of house clothes.

keeping me company today is an empty pitcher set on the floor to catch drops of water from the leaking roof. it's the kind of pitcher that holds frappucino mix. at least that's what i used to use when i was still employed by starbucks. the weather the last few days has been cold and wet. we've dispensed with the heater at home in an effort to save a bit of money on the electric bill. instead, we wear extra layers of clothes, or in my case, leave the house entirely to make use of someone else's heater.

it's strange how time can be so full and so slow. can be so empty and so quick. quick in passing but slow in one's mind. is it really 2009? is it really march? just six months ago i was exhausted and uneasy about my work, my future. now, i'm liberated. no layoff threat hanging over my head. i've voluntarily conceded. my future looks exceedingly simple. i don't know why people wait until they're old to retire. having a little sample is pretty good.

having no job but still having several indispensable expenses has given me an opportunity to refresh what little i've learned about budgeting. where months ago 54 cents was a negligible amount, 54 cents looms large today when i set a $3 limit on coffee, which if i were only buying coffee would be expensive, but factoring in the freedom for thought and the opportunity to head out and check if my clothes still fit, is quite a bargain. where i once thought nothing of $5 for fast food or a pint in a bar, i'm loathe to eat out on my own. but enough already before i start to sound as stingy as thoreau.

fun with audio

i was in starbucks this afternoon writing when i heard a motown-style cover of "light my fire" come on the in-store play. i had the bright idea to try to record it with my laptop using the built-in mic. there was a ton of background noise...the baristas making coffee, a high school student and his tutor nearby doing a math problem. when i went back to listen to the recording, the song sounded pretty thin compared to all the other noise. i fussed around with this horn part until i isolated it, got most of the background noise out, and re-layered it using pitched-down copies of the original sound to fill in some bass. later tonight, i added some other bass notes following the original melody to round out the sound some more. by this point, the sound barely resembled the recording i made this afternoon. all the processing had added these artifacts which sounded like what you might hear if dolphins could play trumpet. i was pretty entertained by what i'd come up with.

i added a lazy drum beat and tried out my new breakbeat toy. it's a program which will chop up your loop and randomly mangle it but still keep some essence of the original beat.

all in all, i got some interesting and original results. not bad for starting with a recording made in a noisy starbucks.

more cheap activites in houston

happy daylight savings to all the poor people who had to surrender one hour of sleep last night. i actually didn't notice too much because i slept all day today.

last night i went to two different art shows in downtown. the first one was in a warehouse behind what used to be, and still might be, a greco-roman wrestling training gym. there were some local artists exhibiting and selling their paintings and photos. in one corner, weighing in at 25lbs, was a donation-appreciated (read: free) wine bar with cheese and crackers. in the other corner, weighing in at 400lbs, was a dj setup with turntables and macbook pro playing an interesting mix of 80's music with the odd kraftwerk or flossie and the unicorns track thrown in for good measure. some kids were dancing. some kids were shooting pictures. everyone was having a good time.

after the first show ended, i went to a second show, which was really one artist selling a small selection of her work, at a nice lounge on the other side of downtown. the art didn't really keep us there, but the dj's upstairs and downstairs did. again, they were setup with turntables and laptops, this time playing some old-school house downstairs and some big club beats upstairs. the music selection was pretty good and people were dancing throughout the night.

the laptops made me feel as if i've been living in a time capsule for the last few years though. the dj's i used to go out and see all played vinyl. when i was still dj'ing i played vinyl too. last night, the gigs of disk space opened up all sorts of variety for the sets. instead of spending the afternoon sorting through dusty record bins for an old new order single, you can download the mp3 and play it that night. plus, you don't have to pay for shipping or break your back carrying 50lbs of records. i wish i had all that gear back then.

still, with all the fancy hardware and software, the main dj last night kept trainwrecking and i even heard songs skip. good thing there's still life in it.

mark rothko

i had my second swim session this week. after wearing myself out during the first one, i spent some time to find a reasonable workout instead of randomly doing laps until i injure myself. this time went much better and at a better pace.

yesterday i went to free museum day at the MFA. i saw lot of interesting exhibitions but the thing that struck me was how cold a lot of the contemporary art was to me. there was an exhibition of art recently found in afghanistan. jewelry, astronomical instruments, painted glass...things which had a place in someone's life. my impression of the contemporary art was that as interesting or inventive as it might be, for the most part i couldn't see the pieces having any life outside of a museum. i don't know why, but the feeling was particularly strong yesterday and it saddened me a little bit.

i got a phone call from my other recruiter today. what's funny is that my recruiters will call me and ask me how the job opportunities look. i should think they would know better than me as it's their job to know right? i've stopped trying to sound like i'm seriously looking and told him that while jobs are getting harder to find these days, i'm just going to take a break until things get better. he basically told me that he's not seeing any jobs either but that i'd be first on the list if he does see one. that's what they all say... anyway, i smiled pretty big after we got off the phone. i was free, out enjoying the sunny afternoon, not feeling bad for turning down any job offers.

travel notes

2/7

james and i wandered around el paso today. we took the vw vanagon up scenic drive and stopped to take a look out over the city below. el paso seemed so small compared to the endless stretch of juarez across the border.

we pressed on to take a walk in downtown. there was an amazing sunset that day that set the sky on fire. bright orange clouds loomed menacingly low in the sky against mountains in the distance. we got on the roof of the union station parking garage to get a great view.

after the sun set, we wandered around the UTEP campus, concentrating on the fine arts buildings, finding our way into a ballet studio, a painting studio, several music practice rooms, and two theatres. we got to the catwalk of the first theatre, but didn't get much further as there was a show going on the stage below. the second theatre was empty and we were able to climb some dizzying ladders to the top of the stage.

afterwards, we killed some time in a coffee house talking about lao tzu, waiting for the bars to open. we did a pub crawl stopping at several places, ending up in the middle of a hip hop show, which turned out to be pretty good. in the depths of myspace, there's an embarassing picture of me at the show dancing, with the toothbrush i bought earlier in the night sticking out of my back pocket. upstairs, there was a rock show going on with a band that was pretty good as well. james tried to start a mosh pit by throwing me at some people standing nearby. fortunately, i was able to control myself and avoid flying into them.

2/9

our plans to head to albuquerque have been delayed again. there's a storm in new mexico so we decided to wait it out. with no good ideas, we headed to the casino to try to raise some funds for the rest of the week. i won $70 in less than ten minutes at the slot machines, which has never happened before. we left while we were ahead.

routine

okay, now that i've had plenty of time to relax and settle in, i'd like to start writing again. it's been a good way to have a little daily routine and stay somewhat thoughtful.

i spent some time this morning looking at joining a gym with the intention of swimming and trying out some tai chi and/or yoga classes. after a while, it became pretty apparent that for what i want to do, it seems a gym membership is too expensive and more than i need. instead, i went swimming today at the community center. the pool was pretty nice with four lap lanes. not too busy. and best of all, free, if you don't factor in the taxes that eventually pay to keep the place open. they even had free classes for yoga and tai chi, although i don't know what kind of quality to expect. still, i'll give it a try sometime this month before deciding i want to spend money.

swimming wore me out and i ended up taking a nice long nap this afternoon. following that, i treated myself to some delicious sushi tonight. i haven't had good sushi in a long time and it didn't break the bank.

i'm really enjoying myself these days. i'm getting plenty of sleep, plenty of sunshine, and don't really think a lot like i used to. when people complain to me about the economy, my immediate response has become: "it's a good year to take a vacation."

it's been a long time since i rock and rolled

after making a nice stop through albuquerque and el paso, i'm back in houston. i thought spending winter in colorado would toughen me up but i have to admit it's a little chilly these days.

i had a big day the day i left colorado. i packed all my things into my tiny vw rabbit and hit the road at about 11am. james told me about great sand dunes national monument the day before i left and at the last minute, i decided to make a little detour to check it out. i'm glad i did. getting there took me off the main interstate for a more scenic drive. i went though a mountain pass and emerged in a valley covered in snow. on either side of the road, you could only make out the tops of the wire fences.

i was only at great sand dunes for an hour or so, but it was time enough to take a walk out. the sand dunes are the tallest in north america. they're formed in a kind of nook where the surrounding mountain ranges meet.

the wind is incredible there. i was chilled pretty quickly although i was walking in the afternoon sun. fortunately, the wind wasn't throwing sand in my face. the sand bounced along close to the ground, looking like smoke or fog running past my feet. i also saw a tumbleweed go past me. i had never seen one except from inside of a moving car. the tumbleweed had a funny way of moving, doing a cartwheel then leaping off it's back foot into the next movement.

after leaving, it was about 8 hours to el paso. the drive went by surprisingly easily. i remember the first time i drove from houston to el paso by myself. it was about 11 hours and in that time, i had gone through 6 cd's and restlessly sang and screamed out loud to stay sane. on the drive from colorado springs to el paso, i only played 2 cd's and most of the time i had the stereo off. compared to my 19 hour drive to colorado from houston, it was a piece of cake.

more about my adventures in the southwest later.