cold wet days

at the end of my third week home, days fly by. every other day is centered on swimming. in between, i usually distract myself in starbucks. $2 for a cup of coffee. $0.54 for a refill. i usually give the rest as tip, so that for $3, i have several hours, surrounded by others, yet privately mine, to reflect, to read, to write. there's something about sitting up straight, at a table, dressed in your clothes for heading out, that puts you in a state of mind to allow serious thought. i can't possibly accomplish this at home with the easy distraction of internet, the bed, and in the easy comfort of house clothes.

keeping me company today is an empty pitcher set on the floor to catch drops of water from the leaking roof. it's the kind of pitcher that holds frappucino mix. at least that's what i used to use when i was still employed by starbucks. the weather the last few days has been cold and wet. we've dispensed with the heater at home in an effort to save a bit of money on the electric bill. instead, we wear extra layers of clothes, or in my case, leave the house entirely to make use of someone else's heater.

it's strange how time can be so full and so slow. can be so empty and so quick. quick in passing but slow in one's mind. is it really 2009? is it really march? just six months ago i was exhausted and uneasy about my work, my future. now, i'm liberated. no layoff threat hanging over my head. i've voluntarily conceded. my future looks exceedingly simple. i don't know why people wait until they're old to retire. having a little sample is pretty good.

having no job but still having several indispensable expenses has given me an opportunity to refresh what little i've learned about budgeting. where months ago 54 cents was a negligible amount, 54 cents looms large today when i set a $3 limit on coffee, which if i were only buying coffee would be expensive, but factoring in the freedom for thought and the opportunity to head out and check if my clothes still fit, is quite a bargain. where i once thought nothing of $5 for fast food or a pint in a bar, i'm loathe to eat out on my own. but enough already before i start to sound as stingy as thoreau.