so, i'm finally catching up a little bit with the world and ripping my cd's into itunes. it's awfully tedious, but there's a box of cd's that's been sitting in my room taking up precious space and not being listened to. at least this way, i can hear some of my collection while eventually being able to put this box away. i'm hoping this tedious work doesn't bother my computer too much.
these days, i've started to complain a bit about how expensive things are and the advice i keep getting is: get a job. i suppose being unemployed hoping for understanding from people who are working is pretty useless. i suppose hoping for understanding from people about anything is pretty useless. or maybe complaining in the first place is the useless thing.
i started reading chuang tzu yesterday. there are several stories about a huge old tree which is so twisted and knotted as to be useless for a carpenter. chuang tzu's comment is that the reason the tree is so old is because it is useless. if it were useful for making furniture or other things, it would have been cut down long ago. it would be tempting for me to reason that being unemployed and useless is best because you'll never be bothered and thus be free to live as you please, but i hardly believe i could get away with it. instead, i'd like to think this story isn't encouraging uselessness over usefulness. inaction over action. the tree didn't decide to be useless or try to live long, but it was able to see a benefit just by being itself. if it were a useless weed in a garden instead, it would be the first thing to get cut down. so, being useless in itself is not a final solution, and being yourself is no guarantee of an easy life either. maybe the point is just that you should find every advantage you can with what you already are before you look to being something else.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
walking to the sounds of my favorite tune
so i broke the news to my mom earlier this week that i plan to leave the country and study chinese. as one might imagine, she wasn't too excited about it. having revealed my plan to my mom is a pretty big step. i've pretty much committed to the idea, and having realized that, i've really seen how much preparation is ahead of me. for one, i actually have to apply to school. another item i have to handle is how to get rid of my car. as much as i like my car, it doesn't make much sense to keep paying for it if i'm not here. beyond that, if i don't think too much, then everything ought to work itself out.
i spent the afternoon making a list of things i need to take care of before i head out. in addition, i paid a whole bunch of bills and paid my taxes. sad stuff. to lighten the day, i met up some friends and headed out for a beer, which turned into a pretty good night. i read some piece of advice today suggesting that even limitations should have some limitation and i took it to mean that i should splurge a bit and treat myself well today. who can hold it against me?
i've finally finished re-reading "orlando" and have started to clean up the rough draft of my essay for the writing project i have with my friend. going back, it seems i have ten thoughts for every sentence i've written. i'm not really sure if what i've written will make sense, yet i have a hard time to fill out the details. this project has been pretty good for me though. i've actually taken some time to take advantage of all the resources online to read some critical analysis of "orlando". what i've read so far has kinda given me confidence in the things that i've written, but has also given me some food for thought. it all started when i tried to search out the meaning of the wild goose orlando sees at the end of the novel. i haven't found any easy answers to that one. i suppose i'll just have to go back and dig through the novel again.
all in all, not a bad sunday, and a good start to getting back into some kind of business. hope it warms up soon. this cold damp weather is awful.
i spent the afternoon making a list of things i need to take care of before i head out. in addition, i paid a whole bunch of bills and paid my taxes. sad stuff. to lighten the day, i met up some friends and headed out for a beer, which turned into a pretty good night. i read some piece of advice today suggesting that even limitations should have some limitation and i took it to mean that i should splurge a bit and treat myself well today. who can hold it against me?
i've finally finished re-reading "orlando" and have started to clean up the rough draft of my essay for the writing project i have with my friend. going back, it seems i have ten thoughts for every sentence i've written. i'm not really sure if what i've written will make sense, yet i have a hard time to fill out the details. this project has been pretty good for me though. i've actually taken some time to take advantage of all the resources online to read some critical analysis of "orlando". what i've read so far has kinda given me confidence in the things that i've written, but has also given me some food for thought. it all started when i tried to search out the meaning of the wild goose orlando sees at the end of the novel. i haven't found any easy answers to that one. i suppose i'll just have to go back and dig through the novel again.
all in all, not a bad sunday, and a good start to getting back into some kind of business. hope it warms up soon. this cold damp weather is awful.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
cold wet days
at the end of my third week home, days fly by. every other day is centered on swimming. in between, i usually distract myself in starbucks. $2 for a cup of coffee. $0.54 for a refill. i usually give the rest as tip, so that for $3, i have several hours, surrounded by others, yet privately mine, to reflect, to read, to write. there's something about sitting up straight, at a table, dressed in your clothes for heading out, that puts you in a state of mind to allow serious thought. i can't possibly accomplish this at home with the easy distraction of internet, the bed, and in the easy comfort of house clothes.
keeping me company today is an empty pitcher set on the floor to catch drops of water from the leaking roof. it's the kind of pitcher that holds frappucino mix. at least that's what i used to use when i was still employed by starbucks. the weather the last few days has been cold and wet. we've dispensed with the heater at home in an effort to save a bit of money on the electric bill. instead, we wear extra layers of clothes, or in my case, leave the house entirely to make use of someone else's heater.
it's strange how time can be so full and so slow. can be so empty and so quick. quick in passing but slow in one's mind. is it really 2009? is it really march? just six months ago i was exhausted and uneasy about my work, my future. now, i'm liberated. no layoff threat hanging over my head. i've voluntarily conceded. my future looks exceedingly simple. i don't know why people wait until they're old to retire. having a little sample is pretty good.
having no job but still having several indispensable expenses has given me an opportunity to refresh what little i've learned about budgeting. where months ago 54 cents was a negligible amount, 54 cents looms large today when i set a $3 limit on coffee, which if i were only buying coffee would be expensive, but factoring in the freedom for thought and the opportunity to head out and check if my clothes still fit, is quite a bargain. where i once thought nothing of $5 for fast food or a pint in a bar, i'm loathe to eat out on my own. but enough already before i start to sound as stingy as thoreau.
keeping me company today is an empty pitcher set on the floor to catch drops of water from the leaking roof. it's the kind of pitcher that holds frappucino mix. at least that's what i used to use when i was still employed by starbucks. the weather the last few days has been cold and wet. we've dispensed with the heater at home in an effort to save a bit of money on the electric bill. instead, we wear extra layers of clothes, or in my case, leave the house entirely to make use of someone else's heater.
it's strange how time can be so full and so slow. can be so empty and so quick. quick in passing but slow in one's mind. is it really 2009? is it really march? just six months ago i was exhausted and uneasy about my work, my future. now, i'm liberated. no layoff threat hanging over my head. i've voluntarily conceded. my future looks exceedingly simple. i don't know why people wait until they're old to retire. having a little sample is pretty good.
having no job but still having several indispensable expenses has given me an opportunity to refresh what little i've learned about budgeting. where months ago 54 cents was a negligible amount, 54 cents looms large today when i set a $3 limit on coffee, which if i were only buying coffee would be expensive, but factoring in the freedom for thought and the opportunity to head out and check if my clothes still fit, is quite a bargain. where i once thought nothing of $5 for fast food or a pint in a bar, i'm loathe to eat out on my own. but enough already before i start to sound as stingy as thoreau.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
fun with audio
i was in starbucks this afternoon writing when i heard a motown-style cover of "light my fire" come on the in-store play. i had the bright idea to try to record it with my laptop using the built-in mic. there was a ton of background noise...the baristas making coffee, a high school student and his tutor nearby doing a math problem. when i went back to listen to the recording, the song sounded pretty thin compared to all the other noise. i fussed around with this horn part until i isolated it, got most of the background noise out, and re-layered it using pitched-down copies of the original sound to fill in some bass. later tonight, i added some other bass notes following the original melody to round out the sound some more. by this point, the sound barely resembled the recording i made this afternoon. all the processing had added these artifacts which sounded like what you might hear if dolphins could play trumpet. i was pretty entertained by what i'd come up with.
i added a lazy drum beat and tried out my new breakbeat toy. it's a program which will chop up your loop and randomly mangle it but still keep some essence of the original beat.
all in all, i got some interesting and original results. not bad for starting with a recording made in a noisy starbucks.
i added a lazy drum beat and tried out my new breakbeat toy. it's a program which will chop up your loop and randomly mangle it but still keep some essence of the original beat.
all in all, i got some interesting and original results. not bad for starting with a recording made in a noisy starbucks.
Monday, March 9, 2009
more cheap activites in houston
happy daylight savings to all the poor people who had to surrender one hour of sleep last night. i actually didn't notice too much because i slept all day today.
last night i went to two different art shows in downtown. the first one was in a warehouse behind what used to be, and still might be, a greco-roman wrestling training gym. there were some local artists exhibiting and selling their paintings and photos. in one corner, weighing in at 25lbs, was a donation-appreciated (read: free) wine bar with cheese and crackers. in the other corner, weighing in at 400lbs, was a dj setup with turntables and macbook pro playing an interesting mix of 80's music with the odd kraftwerk or flossie and the unicorns track thrown in for good measure. some kids were dancing. some kids were shooting pictures. everyone was having a good time.
after the first show ended, i went to a second show, which was really one artist selling a small selection of her work, at a nice lounge on the other side of downtown. the art didn't really keep us there, but the dj's upstairs and downstairs did. again, they were setup with turntables and laptops, this time playing some old-school house downstairs and some big club beats upstairs. the music selection was pretty good and people were dancing throughout the night.
the laptops made me feel as if i've been living in a time capsule for the last few years though. the dj's i used to go out and see all played vinyl. when i was still dj'ing i played vinyl too. last night, the gigs of disk space opened up all sorts of variety for the sets. instead of spending the afternoon sorting through dusty record bins for an old new order single, you can download the mp3 and play it that night. plus, you don't have to pay for shipping or break your back carrying 50lbs of records. i wish i had all that gear back then.
still, with all the fancy hardware and software, the main dj last night kept trainwrecking and i even heard songs skip. good thing there's still life in it.
last night i went to two different art shows in downtown. the first one was in a warehouse behind what used to be, and still might be, a greco-roman wrestling training gym. there were some local artists exhibiting and selling their paintings and photos. in one corner, weighing in at 25lbs, was a donation-appreciated (read: free) wine bar with cheese and crackers. in the other corner, weighing in at 400lbs, was a dj setup with turntables and macbook pro playing an interesting mix of 80's music with the odd kraftwerk or flossie and the unicorns track thrown in for good measure. some kids were dancing. some kids were shooting pictures. everyone was having a good time.
after the first show ended, i went to a second show, which was really one artist selling a small selection of her work, at a nice lounge on the other side of downtown. the art didn't really keep us there, but the dj's upstairs and downstairs did. again, they were setup with turntables and laptops, this time playing some old-school house downstairs and some big club beats upstairs. the music selection was pretty good and people were dancing throughout the night.
the laptops made me feel as if i've been living in a time capsule for the last few years though. the dj's i used to go out and see all played vinyl. when i was still dj'ing i played vinyl too. last night, the gigs of disk space opened up all sorts of variety for the sets. instead of spending the afternoon sorting through dusty record bins for an old new order single, you can download the mp3 and play it that night. plus, you don't have to pay for shipping or break your back carrying 50lbs of records. i wish i had all that gear back then.
still, with all the fancy hardware and software, the main dj last night kept trainwrecking and i even heard songs skip. good thing there's still life in it.
Friday, March 6, 2009
mark rothko
i had my second swim session this week. after wearing myself out during the first one, i spent some time to find a reasonable workout instead of randomly doing laps until i injure myself. this time went much better and at a better pace.
yesterday i went to free museum day at the MFA. i saw lot of interesting exhibitions but the thing that struck me was how cold a lot of the contemporary art was to me. there was an exhibition of art recently found in afghanistan. jewelry, astronomical instruments, painted glass...things which had a place in someone's life. my impression of the contemporary art was that as interesting or inventive as it might be, for the most part i couldn't see the pieces having any life outside of a museum. i don't know why, but the feeling was particularly strong yesterday and it saddened me a little bit.
i got a phone call from my other recruiter today. what's funny is that my recruiters will call me and ask me how the job opportunities look. i should think they would know better than me as it's their job to know right? i've stopped trying to sound like i'm seriously looking and told him that while jobs are getting harder to find these days, i'm just going to take a break until things get better. he basically told me that he's not seeing any jobs either but that i'd be first on the list if he does see one. that's what they all say... anyway, i smiled pretty big after we got off the phone. i was free, out enjoying the sunny afternoon, not feeling bad for turning down any job offers.
yesterday i went to free museum day at the MFA. i saw lot of interesting exhibitions but the thing that struck me was how cold a lot of the contemporary art was to me. there was an exhibition of art recently found in afghanistan. jewelry, astronomical instruments, painted glass...things which had a place in someone's life. my impression of the contemporary art was that as interesting or inventive as it might be, for the most part i couldn't see the pieces having any life outside of a museum. i don't know why, but the feeling was particularly strong yesterday and it saddened me a little bit.
i got a phone call from my other recruiter today. what's funny is that my recruiters will call me and ask me how the job opportunities look. i should think they would know better than me as it's their job to know right? i've stopped trying to sound like i'm seriously looking and told him that while jobs are getting harder to find these days, i'm just going to take a break until things get better. he basically told me that he's not seeing any jobs either but that i'd be first on the list if he does see one. that's what they all say... anyway, i smiled pretty big after we got off the phone. i was free, out enjoying the sunny afternoon, not feeling bad for turning down any job offers.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
travel notes
2/7
james and i wandered around el paso today. we took the vw vanagon up scenic drive and stopped to take a look out over the city below. el paso seemed so small compared to the endless stretch of juarez across the border.
we pressed on to take a walk in downtown. there was an amazing sunset that day that set the sky on fire. bright orange clouds loomed menacingly low in the sky against mountains in the distance. we got on the roof of the union station parking garage to get a great view.
after the sun set, we wandered around the UTEP campus, concentrating on the fine arts buildings, finding our way into a ballet studio, a painting studio, several music practice rooms, and two theatres. we got to the catwalk of the first theatre, but didn't get much further as there was a show going on the stage below. the second theatre was empty and we were able to climb some dizzying ladders to the top of the stage.
afterwards, we killed some time in a coffee house talking about lao tzu, waiting for the bars to open. we did a pub crawl stopping at several places, ending up in the middle of a hip hop show, which turned out to be pretty good. in the depths of myspace, there's an embarassing picture of me at the show dancing, with the toothbrush i bought earlier in the night sticking out of my back pocket. upstairs, there was a rock show going on with a band that was pretty good as well. james tried to start a mosh pit by throwing me at some people standing nearby. fortunately, i was able to control myself and avoid flying into them.
2/9
our plans to head to albuquerque have been delayed again. there's a storm in new mexico so we decided to wait it out. with no good ideas, we headed to the casino to try to raise some funds for the rest of the week. i won $70 in less than ten minutes at the slot machines, which has never happened before. we left while we were ahead.
james and i wandered around el paso today. we took the vw vanagon up scenic drive and stopped to take a look out over the city below. el paso seemed so small compared to the endless stretch of juarez across the border.
we pressed on to take a walk in downtown. there was an amazing sunset that day that set the sky on fire. bright orange clouds loomed menacingly low in the sky against mountains in the distance. we got on the roof of the union station parking garage to get a great view.after the sun set, we wandered around the UTEP campus, concentrating on the fine arts buildings, finding our way into a ballet studio, a painting studio, several music practice rooms, and two theatres. we got to the catwalk of the first theatre, but didn't get much further as there was a show going on the stage below. the second theatre was empty and we were able to climb some dizzying ladders to the top of the stage.
afterwards, we killed some time in a coffee house talking about lao tzu, waiting for the bars to open. we did a pub crawl stopping at several places, ending up in the middle of a hip hop show, which turned out to be pretty good. in the depths of myspace, there's an embarassing picture of me at the show dancing, with the toothbrush i bought earlier in the night sticking out of my back pocket. upstairs, there was a rock show going on with a band that was pretty good as well. james tried to start a mosh pit by throwing me at some people standing nearby. fortunately, i was able to control myself and avoid flying into them.
2/9
our plans to head to albuquerque have been delayed again. there's a storm in new mexico so we decided to wait it out. with no good ideas, we headed to the casino to try to raise some funds for the rest of the week. i won $70 in less than ten minutes at the slot machines, which has never happened before. we left while we were ahead.
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